If we just watch the news or check a social media site, we might only see youth in a depressing light. Teens are more likely to experience major depression than adults (6.7% of adults v. 10.7% of adolescents {source}). An astonishing 19% of teenagers have considered suicide, 14% of teenagers having actually made a plan to commit suicide. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among teenagers, behind accidents and homicide {source}. If we look around at our teenagers, we have to admit that we aren't that surprised: students face the highest competition for acceptance into colleges. Students attend schools under heightened security, knowing that schools all around the country face threats from the students within. Students face ruthless bullying within the school walls and on social media sites. Not since the induction of child labor laws have teenagers faced so much pressure to grow up and leave childhood behind.
It is a difficult time to be a teenager in American society.
These statistics are horrible and painful; they give us anxiety and fear. As we begin this dreary post on a dreary, cloudy day, I hope that Unity Presbyterian Church can be a ray of sunshine on an otherwise sad and hopeless day. At youth group last night, we aimed to combat these clouds of depression, storms of sadness, floods of pain by reminding students that they are, as the psalmist puts it, "fearfully and wonderfully made" by a God who knows them intimately. Here are some images of God's great and glorious creation:
{What do you see when you look in the mirror?}
{A little rain couldn't keep us from some awesome relay races.}
{Team-building sometimes requires boys and girls to hold hands. I assured them that everyone had their cooties vaccinations up to date.}
{Soda-chugging contest...no one vomited, thank goodness.}
{Sorting through images as we think about what it means to be beautiful.}
{sharing a meal and fellowship in Unity Hall}
{Images of who we are, and how we are making the world a better place}
Both groups dove into Psalm 139 this week:
O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down,
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
O Lord, you know it completely.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is so high that I cannot attain it.
For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
Middle School
In Middle School, we focused on God's unique and special creation of each and every one of us. When God created the world, God saw that it was good. When God created humanity, in the very image of God, God said that it was VERY good. Even though we are not perfect, God still sees us as very good, valuable, and special. Throughout life, even now as these students go to Middle School, they are surrounded by voices that say they are not good enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough.
When I was in 8th grade, I went to a New Year's Eve slumber party with a group of my girlfriends. Of course, we had to call the group of boys we hung out with in the middle of the night to swap secrets and exchange...er, whatever it is you want to call the conversations of 13 year olds. The boys informed us that they had rated the girls on their attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. I listened anxiously to the receiver as my girlfriends received 9's and 9.5's. At first the boys barreled on, acting as though I weren't a part of the conversation. Of course my friends asked about my rating, wanting me to have my moment. I will never forget the sheepish sniggering on the other end of the line and the half chortled, "Lindsay? She's a 6, at best." I will never forget the hot humiliation that burned in my face and electrocuted my heart. Those words haunted me for years to come; in fact sometimes I still hear them, although the voice has faded. No matter how many times my family told me I was pretty or my friends reassured my style, I knew that the boys thought of me as least attractive.
A friend of mine has a lovely daughter who is 8 years old. He believes whole-heartedly that if he loves her enough and tells her enough times, she will never be plagued with insecurities or negative self-image. This is simply wishful thinking; insecurity is a part of development at this age. And as I've demonstrated, it takes one put-down to destroy 13 years of compliments.
Embarrassment.
Insecurity.
Painful humiliation.
Heartache.
Tears.
Anxiety.
These are things our middle school students feel about themselves. We cannot destroy the negative-self-talk for them, much though we would like to, but we can work to create a constant stream of positive-self-talk. Slowly but surely, I believe that positive-self-talk can wash away the negative image slowly over time, and I believe that this is a task God calls us to. When we remember that we are made in the image of God, we are created with a purpose, and we are loved immeasurably by an Almighty God, we can't be held down by negativity and self-doubt. Even in the darkest of times, youth can face this challenge by knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that even if it is hard to love myself today, it is comforting to know that God loves me.
High School
In high school, we focused on the "man in the mirror." As Michael Jackson put it, "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change." We talked about the beautiful, unique creation that God made us to be and the fact that that creation is made for a purpose in the world. And when we live into our purpose, we make the world a better place. As Frederick Buechner wrote:
The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.
Too true. There is a fantastic pastor out there named Ryan Althaus. Ryan is a marathon runner; he's ridiculously competitive at racing, and he found that most races take place on Sunday mornings. It is virtually impossible to be a pastor or a regular church attender and run races competitively. So Ryan started his own church, Sweaty Sheep, that is a group of people who train together, both physically and spiritually, and who pray before races. (see more on their website: www.sweatysheep.com) Ryan found what gave him gladness, what God created him for, and what the world's great needs are. I challenged the youth to think about that and pursue those things in their lives currently.
Follow Up:
*Often we focus on what our middle/high school students aren't doing or how they are misbehaving (and certainly they earn that focus from time to time). What have they done well? What compliment can we give them today?
*Middle school students are naturally exploring and considering various parts of their identity, including sexual orientation, physical appearance, character traits, and more. They often need the freedom to ask questions for which they might not have an answer today. The "It Gets Better" campaign was founded for teens who are struggling with their sexual orientation, and it contains several videos people all around the country have posted from their struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. While they focus on sexual orientation, I think this website could be useful for all kids suffering from mental health issues or with negative self thoughts:
*Sometimes the issues youth face are more than what we can handle through prayer and good parenting. Here are a couple of Christian counseling services that would be great to look into if you think you are facing more than you can handle alone:
Of course, as the Associate Pastor for Youth, I am more than happy to visit, pray for, pray with, and otherwise care for you and your families. You need only call.
