Keeping CHRIST in Christmas: some ideas for family prayers and activities on Christmas Day

In case for some reason you were living under a rock and haven't looked at your calendar yet, Christmas indeed falls on a Sunday this year (might sound silly, but really, folks, this time of year, it's perfectly normal to forget which day it is....I do it all the time.) In our time now, we don't normally have a Christmas Day worship service, so when Christmas falls on a Sunday, Christmas worship in the morning falls smack dab in the middle of planned events. Unity will be offering one worship service at 10:00 am on Christmas Day and New Years Day. Every house is different on Christmas, but when I was a little girl, 10:00 am was our traditional Christmas brunch time. As a teenager, sometimes we would be unwrapping presents at 10:00, although sometimes we would still be sleeping. And as an adult, 10:00 is when I start preparing food items and either packing for a trip to someone's home or preparing my home for guests. Perhaps you are traveling or perhaps Christmas is the only day you have off. Perhaps you or someone in your home is ill (strep anyone?) and would like to keep your germs at home. Perhaps you come to the 11:00 pm worship on Christmas Eve and can't manage to get back at 10:00 am the next day. As a pastor, let me say that I know worship will be meaningful and fellowship will be friendly on Christmas morning at Unity Presbyterian Church, and if you can come, do come, and be renewed by this rich worship experience. As a fellow human being, let me say that I empathize with the Christmas morning chaos, and I myself will be cleaning my house, rolling fresh gnocchi, and whipping gallons of cream in anticipation of my family coming into town, and I will not be in worship on Sunday.

I often explain that my goal with the youth is not for each teenager to have perfect youth group and Sunday School attendance (although we love to have you as often as you can), but that when they leave the doors of this church, they live as followers of Jesus Christ in all their busy lives filled with rehearsal, matches, meets, tests, jobs, and friendships. Faith is not limited to what is felt within the walls of Unity Presbyterian Church; rather Unity Presbyterian Church ought to inspire faithful lives.

The same is true for Christmas Day: even if you are unable to attend a worship service on Christmas morning, you can still faithfully follow Jesus Christ throughout your day, individually and as a family. For my blog today, here is a list of ideas I have for worshiping God individually and as a family on Christmas Day:

#10: Grateful Hearts, Grateful Hands

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When I was growing up, we saw a lot of Christmases: ones with a ton of gifts, ones with only a few gifts; ones when family all came together, ones when family were far apart, ill, or disgruntled; ones when the food filled you to burst, ones when the ham was dry or the turkey was overcooked. I've known Christmases when the list to Santa Claus was first and foremost in my brain and others when I was more excited to bake Jesus's birthday cake. I've seen my share of white Christmases and icy Christmases and hot Christmases and brown muddy gray Christmases. What I learned every year, however, was that Christmas was a time to be grateful for whatever it was that happened that year. The year that I had the stomach flu, I was grateful for my Wallflowers CD and new CD player that kept me company while I laid in bed. One year, the only gift I received from my parents was a professional wooden clarinet, and I was grateful for the sound it produced and the way it felt and smelled in my hands. On years when the snow drifted up to my knees, I was thankful for snow to play in and safe travels for my relatives. I was always thankful that my Dad was always off of work and home to cook on Christmas Day.

As you go through the day, you might challenge yourself or your family to say a prayer of thanks for each thing they notice to be grateful for this year. Here's a sample prayer:

For these gifts, Lord Jesus, we are thankful.

 #9: Birthday Cake for Jesus - not just for kids...

When I was a little girl, my mom and grandmother would help me bake a cake for Jesus after breakfast on Christmas Day. The cake would be our dessert, and we would say a prayer as a family before we ate it. I can remember in my pre-teen years when playing with the newest video game console held more excitement than baking in the kitchen, I wanted to just buy a box cake mix and use plain icing, no words or designs. After all, as I said, I don't think Jesus would mind or care and he's not here to eat it. My mom wouldn't hear of it, saying that we give Jesus our very best because he is the very best.

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From that day onward, I would spend hours, some years even weeks, finding a perfect difficult recipe for Jesus' birthday cakes: We had dark chocolate mint brownies once and a lemon pound cake another time; carrot cake and pecan cake and coconut cake...the list continues.As a teenager, it was a challenge for me to find a recipe and bake it on Christmas Day; I wanted to beat my skills from last year.

So perhaps this year, when your family gathers for dessert, you can dub it Jesus' birthday cake, the very best to give for the very best who came, and say a prayer of thanks to Jesus. It may seem a little cheesy, but it forced me and my family to remember why we had gathered in the first place. Here's a prayer for Jesus' birthday celebration:

For the gift of God with us, Emmanuel, God in the flesh, born this day through Jesus the Christ child, we give you our thanks and praise. Amen.

#8: For Over-Achievers and Lovers of Liturgy

I have on many occasions blogged and spoken about my love for tradition and liturgy. Good liturgy and traditional words connect us to the communion of saints, the followers of Jesus in every time and place. When I recite liturgy on Sunday morning, I connect by the power of the Holy Spirit, with my brothers and sisters, friends and colleagues in churches throughout the country and even the world. I connect with my deceased Sunday School teacher, Mrs. Schwartz and spiritual mentors of every age: Karl Barth, St. Augustine, and Joan of Arc. We become one with a great chorus of believers in every time and place who give worship and glory to our God. If you crave this connective experience, here are two Christmas Litany's that come from the Book of Common Worship and have been recited in many times and many ways

Litany A

The Word was made flesh.

Alleluia, Alleluia!

and dwelt among us,

Alleluia, Alleluia!

Jesus, Son of the living God, splendor of the Father, Light eternal:

Glory to you, O Lord!

Jesus, King of glory, Sun of righteousness, born of the Virgin Mary:

Glory to you, O Lord!

Jesus, Wonderful Counselor, mighty God, everlasting Lord:

Glory to you, O Lord!

Jesus, Prince of Peace, Shepherd of souls, perfect in holiness:

Glory to you, O Lord!

Jesus, Friend of all, protector of the poor, Treasure of the faithful:

Glory to you, O Lord!

Jesus, Good Shepherd, inexhaustible Wisdom, our Way, our Truth, and our Life:

Glory to you, O Lord!

Jesus, joy of the angels, and crown of all the saints:

Glory to you, O Lord!

This Litany would be a great one to do with the whole family, having one member read the non-bolded parts and the rest of the family respond with the exclamations in bold.

For a more serious, contemplative approach, try this:

Litany B

All the ends of the earth

have seen the salvation of our God. Alleluia!

Shout to the Lord, all the earth. Alleluia!

O Christ, splendor of God's eternal glory,

the mighty Word, sustaining the universe:

Renew our lives by your presence.

Lord have mercy.

O Christ, born into the world in the fullness of time

for the liberation of all creation:

Release all into your promised freedom.

Lord have mercy.

O Christ, begotten of the Father before all time,

born in a stable at Bethlehem:

May your church be a sign of hope and joy.

Lord have mercy.

O Christ, truly God and truly human,

born to a people in fulfillment of their expectations:

Fulfill our desires in you.

Lord have mercy.

O Christ, born of the Virgin Mary,

child of wonder and splendor,

mighty God of all ages, Prince of Peace:

May the whole world live in peace and justice.

Lord have mercy.

#7: For Children as they open gifts

I can remember being in middle school and right after Christmas morning, I'd get a phone call from my friends and we'd discuss what we received. I can remember kids saying things like "My parents really skipped out this year" or "I didn't really get everything I wanted." An attitude of gratitude is not "cool" or easy to come by in the holiday season, especially when our children grow accustomed to a Christmas morning that looks and feels a lot like a shark feeding frenzy only with children and gifts.

Families have lots of ways of dealing with this, and I applaud each of your efforts to give your children a fun, exciting, and happy Christmas as well as a grateful one. Here are two prayers, one for children and one for parents that might help with the thankfulness factor during the feeding frenzy:

For Children

Lord Jesus, wise men traveled for miles to bring you the first Christmas presents. So may we too remember with thankful hearts the love that comes with each present we open. We also thank you for the amazing love you have for each of us, and we thank you for the many gifts you give to us. Amen.

For Moms and Dads, Grammy's and Grampy's

Let me just for a moment, Lord, hold this time in my heart. It is about mysteries and gratitude, unknowing and wrong sizes, snippets of ribbon and screams of delight. Help me to remember the immense love you have for each of us in this room. With each gift that is opened, no matter how perfect or not, let me feel again the many ways that you gift us each day, especially with your presence in our hearts and the presence of each other in our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen.

For more Christmas Day prayers, see this link

#6: A full on Devotion

Perhaps you'd like to really feel like you've gone through a Presbyterian worship service? Here's an example order of worship you can use to worship together as a familiy.

Prayer of Invocation

O Almighty God, who by the birth of your holy child Jesus has given us a great light to dawn upon our darkness: Grant, we pray, that in this light, we may see light. Bestow upon us, we beseech you, that most excellent Christmas gift of charity to all, so that the likeness of your Son may be formed in us, and that we may have the ever brightening hope of everlasting life, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Old Testament Reading

Psalm 97

New Testament Reading

John 1.1-14

Meditation

What words from these scriptures stand out to you today?

Why does the birth of Christ have continued significance today, in 2016?

What is one thing I can do today to show my love for Jesus?

Hymn: O Come All Ye Faithful

Offering

We have received many gifts today. As followers of Jesus, we commend our gifts to God for God's use. Let us reflect on how we might use some of our gifts, both physical and spiritual, to give God glory and honor this day and every day.

Hymn: Joy to the World

Benediction:

So go now, and "Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises. Sing praises to the Lord with the lyre, with the lyre and the sound of melody. With trumpets and the sound of the horn, make a joyful noise before the King, the Lord." (Psalm 98)

And may the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord's face shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord's countenance lift up toward you and give you peace, now and forever. Amen.

#5: A good old fashioned Hymn-Sing

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I'm sure I'm not the only one who sort of secretly wishes we could gather around the family piano and look like this so-called perfect family on Christmas morning. Reality is more like this:

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And I kind of am grateful for that. Maybe this year, you get out the carol books and give it a 15 minute try. Whether you sound like bleating goats or the von Trapp family, or whether you end with tears of joy or tears of laughter or even tears from argument, Psalm 98 today calls us to make a joyful noise to the Lord, and if we are trying, that's all the counts.

#4: For those of us who ain't so merry

While Christmas is a time for joy, peace, love, and hope, it also represents a time of challenge, mourning, and grief for many of us. Last night marks the longest night, and with today the winter solstice, comes longer days and more sunshine, something for which we all desperately yearn. Perhaps the holidays are markers of those who are no longer with us or family rifts that seem to never be solved. Perhaps we are alone this year or we have to work or worse, we have to work in retail. Perhaps a loved one is sick or in the hospital. When the dark of night seems to overwhelm us, the bright light of Jesus on Christmas morning can feel too bright, too joyful, too cheerful, and we feel guilt and pressure for feeling as glum as we do. Christmas Eve is always bittersweet for me, as the funeral for my Sunday School teacher, Mrs. Schwartz was on Christmas Eve. I miss her every day, and though I know she has joined the Church Triumphant, I would give anything for her advice, her smile, and her warm presence. 

Here's a prayer for some sad times:

Mighty God,

You rise with healing in your wings,

to scatter all enemies that assault us.

As we wait in hope for the coming of that day,

when crying and pain shall be no more,

help us by your Holy Spirit

to receive your power into our lives

and to trust in your eternal love,

through Jesus Christ our Savior,

God with us, Emmanuel,

Light of the world, born this very day.

Amen.

#3: Not-so-Childish prayer for the family

I have confidence that teenagers will find all of these prayers incredibly boring and just absolutely childish and totally unnecessary. To parents, I say, this is totally normal and you shouldn't feel sad or guilty or worried. Even the most faithful of kids is learning to be themselves by disagreeing with mom and dad. From time to time, teenagers even agree with what you're saying but will argue with you just to prove that their opinions didn't come from you. Don't worry, don't give up, don't feel alone. This is all extremely normal.

That said, here's a prayer that probably won't be any MORE interesting for your youth, but has words that they might secretly muse over or think about if you put this on their radar. We plant seeds and trust that God's Holy Spirit is watering them over time.

Lord God,

Today, may we not only unwrap presents,

But may we discover more of your love.

Today, may we not only eat of festive food,

but may we feast on your faith.

Today, may we not only cherish happy times with family and friends,

But may we invite you into our lives.

Today, may we not only sing carols that celebrate your birth,

But may we dwell upon the resurrected Christ, alive in this moment.

Living Lord, we long to discover your love, to feast on your truth, to invite you into our lives, and to thank you for your sacrifice. Amidst the family, food, and presents, we long to celebrate Christmas with you.

Amen.

Some other short prayers

#2: An act of Kindness

There's this commercial for Publix that was on last year and I've seen again this year, where the little boy invites his dear elderly neighbor to Christmas dinner, and the mom is just so touched (You can fill in the blank: "Oh my son, what a wonderful boy! What a surprise! I'm beaming with pride!"). 

Let's be perfectly honest, I blubber like a babbling brook every time I watch this commercial. Let's be even more honest, sometimes I watch it again online so I can blubber even more.

There's an element to this commercial that reminds us of the charity and gift-giving that is associated with Christmas. We know the Salvation Army buckets and Mr. Scrooge buying the prize turkey and even the kind act of leaving a cookie for a tired Mr. Santa Claus as he delivers gifts. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves for our charity to be magnanimous, for our generosity to be enough to inspire Mrs. Lindsay to cry, for our gift giving to be inspirational, selfless and meaningful. I think we are putting too much pressure on ourselves. Jesus gives the ultimate gift of God in flesh appearing...in the most simple, humble way possible: by being born as a vulnerable, helpless child in a dirty stable in the middle of Nowheresville. All of our small acts of kindness and generosity contribute to the spirit of Christmas. Perhaps as a family, there might be a time to list the acts we've done or that have been done for us. And let's be honest, Mrs. Lindsay will cry at all of them anyway, so goal achieved.

#1: Being Present, being you

Sometimes I can lose myself in Christmas. There are 100 presents to buy, 600 cookies to bake, 5 {feels like million} rooms and toilets to clean, relatives to see, miles to travel, Christmas specials to see, people to greet...the list goes on and on. It's not uncommon to find ourselves at the end of Christmas Day cleaning the dishes and tossing the last of the wrapping paper feeling a bit like we've missed it, sensing that the day spun past us in a whirlwind of chaos.

The easiest thing we can do to prepare our hearts to celebrate the coming of the Christ child on Christmas Day is to commit to ourselves that we will be present, we will be ourselves, and we will treasure the gift of holidays with family and friends. Here's a prayer for you:

Almighty God, you got this.

Teach me not to worry about the small things,

but to seek the things that matter.

Empower me not to dwell on imperfections,

but to linger in memories of joy.

Forgive me of my wayward mind and frantic spirit,

and give me peace and serenity this holiday season.

Focus my soul on your love, your peace,

your hope, and your joy this Christmas and every day.

Amen.

A very Merry Christmas to you and your family, from this crazy Rev. May you know and experience the love and peace of Christ this year and feel connected to the communion of saints who join their voices over every time and place to give glory and honor to Almighty God.

King Harold and other imperfect lessons

In my first job in youth ministry, I was a Christian Educator, servant of over 400 children, youth, and young adults, from cradle to college graduation. Each Wednesday, I would lead the elementary aged children in lessons of singing, dance, and sign language as a part of an after-school program. I had arranged for the tiniest Kindergarten group to sing and do sign language in worship to the song Glorify Thy Name. They arrived on Sunday morning early to rehearse the song, and I was a proud, dreamy eyed young lady thinking of how adorable these little cherubs would be as they sang in front of the congregation.

It was then that my bubble was burst. As the children moved their hands in prayer, I heard distinctly one little boy in the front row sing,

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"Glorify MY name in all the earth!!!"

Actual footage of my face when I heard this:

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Surely, it's just one child. Surely, it was just a mistake or a jest. I immediately stopped the choir and said, "Now, let's make sure we are saying THY name."

"Yes, ma'am. My name."

"NO! Thy, your, T-H-Y..."

"Yes, this is a song about how we can do anything if we put our mind to it."

And so it went. And yes, in front of the whole congregation, a group of 20 Kindergarten children sang about glorifying their own names in all the earth.

I felt mortified. Not only had I failed to teach kids the right words, but somehow they had even understood the meaning of the song entirely wrong. I felt as though I had failed, even if it was somewhat humorous.

King Harold and the Wise Men

Recently, I was listening to a group of Middle Schoolers read from the Bible. One boy read out loud about the story of the wise men going to see King Herod...only he read "King Harold." Not just once, but every time his name appeared in the text. I had to hide my face the sleeve of my shirt to stifle a cough/laugh because all I could think of was King Harold from the Shrek movies:

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And so of course, I worried whether I should correct him and bring upon him embarrassment from his classmates. What was the importance of him getting King Herod's name right?

What is our job?

I think sometimes as youth leaders, as pastors, as elders and deacons, as Sunday School teachers, we feel a deep longing, or even an agitating anxiety to ensure that our children and youth "get it right." I'll admit: one of my proudest moments as a youth director was when one of my confirmation students told his high school history teacher that he preferred Karl Barth's understanding of predestination to John Calvin's and that the history book they were using was incorrect. We hope that our children memorize the precise order of the books of the Bible and the exact wording of their memory verses. Our eyes fill with tears as we watch children sing and recite songs of praise to God. I am reminded of a great verse:

I have no greater joy than this: to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

3 John 1.4

So...what exactly does that mean? Does that mean that when kids sing about glorifying my name or read about King Harold that we have in some way failed? What does this mean for our teenagers?

If I think that my goal is to have each student make a perfect set of decisions throughout his/her life, I find that to be an overwhelming task. This means that as youth leader, I need to be aware of every scenario that could possibly tempt or challenge our youth, and I need to decide based on scripture what the perfect, right answer is for each student. When kids are 6 years old and the decisions are should I cheat on a test or punch my brother, the answers are simple. When kids are 13 and their decisions include how do I behave with a person I'm in love with and how do I show love to two friends who hate each other or how do I behave on social media, the answers are far less clear. Furthermore, the youth of today face challenges I couldn't have dreamed of. I am only 15 years older than our high school freshmen, but I grew up in a time when families had one computer in the house connected to dial up internet. In fact, I was a freshman when my family finally obtained one. I grew up in a time when cell phones were rare and social media was a foreign concept. While I remember with vivid detail what it felt like to be 15 years old, I never faced decisions about what is appropriate to put on Snap Chat or even texting a crush in the middle of the night (if you wanted to talk to me, you had to call my house and talk to a family member first...).

Not to mention, there were some topics that I faced as I graduated from high school and went to the wide, independent world of college that my youth leaders never prepared me for. They couldn't have known. I felt unprepared to make decisions about how I spent my time on the weekends, how I developed relationships with friends and infatuations, and how I dealt with people with whom I disagreed. And some of the mistakes that I made taught me more about the person I am called to be than the things I did right. I wouldn't trade my errors, even those that caused me pain, because they've formed and shaped me into who I am today.

So...what are we supposed to do?

Being a Jedi Master...but maybe more like Obi Wan than Yoda

So, if you're not a Star Wars geek like me, this might not make sense. But here goes. In Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker goes to Yoda to learn the Jedi ways. Yoda gives Luke challenging instruction, but spends a lot of time sitting on a rock eating snacks while Luke does the dirty work. Yoda has simultaneous high standards and incredible confidence in Luke: he says, you do or do not. There is no "try." Yoda refuses to do the work for Luke and makes him work very hard to become a Jedi himself. Luke has to understand the force for himself, not just as Yoda uses it, or he'll never truly be a Jedi Master.

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In the same way, I believe as leaders of our youth and children, we are called to lead our youth to understand the truth of God, but we are not called to do the hard work of following Christ for them. Notably, 3 John does not say, "I have no greater joy than this: to see my children doing exactly what I told them to do." Nor does it say, "I have no greater joy than this: to hear that my children are living perfect lives." Nor does it say, "I have no greater joy than this: to be the Jedi Master who enforces his/her will upon all of my students." No...it says, "to hear that my children are walking in the truth." To hear implies that the writer of this letter doesn't micromanage his disciples, but learns of their accomplishments. To walk implies that the children take initiative to follow Jesus on their own rather than because they are compelled or forced to do so.

Yoda is cranky and cantankerous and he is often frustrated with Luke. In the same way, we sometimes hear "King Harold" and sigh with impatience at the learning of our youth. We do in fact expect great things from our youth, but we must foster a deep amount of patience with them as they figure out the path for themselves.

On a different note, we also know that Yoda refused to lead Anakin Skywalker because he "sensed in him much fear." Yoda gave up on Anakin because he wasn't perfect, because he was full of fear and negative energy. Obi Wan Kenobi, of course, refuses the advice of Yoda and decides to teach Anakin the ways of the Force. As we know, this turns out to not be the greatest choice, as Anakin decides to follow greed and the ways of the Sith rather than the ways of the Jedi Masters. Yet, I find Obi Wan's stubborn love of Anakin so very Jesus-like. Jesus knows that Peter will deny him three times, yet he declares that on Peter he will build his church. Jesus knows that Judas will betray him for a small pay day, and yet he still serves him dinner and washes his feet. 

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This is the great challenge of being a leader for our young folks: we have to accept that some will adhere to the straight and narrow like Luke and some will be wayward like Anakin. We patiently plant seeds and trust that the Holy Spirit will work, even in the darkest of Darth Vader times, Sometimes, we wish that we could protect our youth entirely from the Senator Palpatines of the world, who threaten to lead our youth down destructive and unhealthy paths, but I wonder, if Anakin had followed a perfect path, would Luke and Leia have ever been born? If Anakin had not entered so greatly into the dark side, would he ever have been able to defeat the Emperor? Even as he was made of more machine than human, was it too late for Anakin to make the turn toward the good side?

I believe that we are called to love our kids unconditionally, to set examples for their behavior, but to allow them to make their own decisions, to give them the tools to make decisions that follow God, but not to do the work for them. This makes youth ministry much more difficult. It means that when children sing "Glorify my name," we resolve to teach them something new about the sovereignty of God in a different way, but we are grateful that children, who otherwise might not step foot in a church, are finding joy and pleasure in singing praise to God, even if it's a little confused. It means that when youth read, "King Harold" we resolve to find a way for youth to learn about King Herod and biblical history, but we are grateful for kids reading in depth about the wise men and comparing the gospels to one another. It means that we rejoice, not in perfection, but in youth who are intentionally taking their own initiative to follow Jesus in their own imperfect ways.

The Juxtaposition of Safety and Pins

Let me begin this blogpost by giving you a snapshot of Unity Presbyterian Church and our youth group. Unity is this vibrant 1300 member church in Fort Mill, SC, a "suburb" of Charlotte, but in many ways its own small town. The population is growing at an exponential rate, and our church seems to be following that trend too. In name, we are committed to the Presbyterian Church USA and to traditional style worship. We believe that we are hospitable and welcoming to every person that walks through our doors. We are a church that loves tradition, both in worship and in our heritage, and we hope to find freshness in this tradition, a freshness that translates ancient values into modern day society.

In our youth group, this election season has been interesting. We have both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton supporters. We have students who proudly wear rainbow bracelets in support of the LGBTQ community and students who staunchly believe that homosexuality is a sin. We are mostly white, mostly middle class, mostly on-track-to-college, but we are constantly aware of those who lack any of these privileges and others. Our youth go to school with folks who are atheist, Southern Baptist, Mormon, Hindu, Muslim, and likely a whole range of other beliefs. We are on a constant quest to find balance and the ability to have discussions and love when we disagree. Throughout the election season, our youth (and the adults, especially me, their sassy pastor) were challenged to take a picture of someone in America (or a group) that represented someone they had the most difficulty loving. We had lots of kids take political candidates, misogynists, evangelicals, atheists, and more, and I know that this week, those pictures remained on their dressers, and distressed challenged hearts prayed earnestly to God. So as I prepared for yesterday's lesson, and I saw that the text was "Live in harmony with everyone," I said out loud, "Good one, God."

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So the scripture...and living peacefully...

I've heard people on both sides this week saying that we need to accept who won the elections, be quiet, and come together. As though one can simply erase the last 18 months of harmful, personally attacking, hate inspired rhetoric. As though the voters who came out in earnest support of Trump, many of whom have felt marginalized and unheard for many years, should just pretend the last several years of silence never happened. As though minorities, who have been the victims of attacks by Trump supporters for months, should just forget all the oppression they have faced. As though when we look our neighbor and learn which candidate they supported, we don't automatically form a new opinion of that person. Of course, it's an easy thing to say or hope for, that we can all just get along and forget the hurts of our past, but I don't think it's the best solution. For one thing, nothing is accomplished. If we can't learn to talk about our differences in beliefs in a way that is constructive and respectful, we haven't made any progress at all. For another thing, we cannot expect people to be silent when they are mistreated; in fact, we should expect them not to be silent when they are mistreated, and we should stand on their side as well.

So as we looked at the scripture about living peacefully with one another, it became very clear to me and to our youth that living peacefully doesn't mean we simply agree to disagree and never speak of it again. It doesn't mean we only associate with people who are like-minded and share our values. It doesn't mean that we have the loudest voice and others are not heard. Put simply,

it means that we have to give up our desire, our need to be right.

Ask my husband: I really like being right. I really think I'm right like 99% of the time, even when I know I might be wrong. And there are some issues, frankly, that I just cannot fathom how a person could think differently than I do. I'm sure we all have moments like this, especially when we've been privileged enough to have our voices be heard. But as I woke up and was getting ready for work on Wednesday morning, as the election results were pouring in and social media was in an uproar, it occurred to me that today my task is the same as yesterday. Today, I strive to follow Jesus: which means that I strive to love and worship God to the best of my ability, which means I recognize that God is Lord and not I, which means that I know that I am sinful and in need of God's grace, which means that I love people in this world earnestly and passionately, which means that I see the minorities and people who are oppressed in any way and show them love, which means that I have a calling to step out of my comfort zone and into love, especially love that is not often seen in our society. It means that I love the militant Trump supporters and the minorities they oppress; it means that I love each kid that steps into the youth room no matter where they are in their journey, who they think they are, and what they've done.

Some biblical bullying...

We took a look at the argument between two of Jesus' apostles in the early days of the church: Peter and Paul. Peter, of course we know, was one of the original 12. The first half of the book of Acts is dedicated to Peter, who begins his ministry in Jewish synagogues and continuing a lot of traditions from the left half of the Bible (including the restrictions on meat and circumcision). As we know, Jesus renames Peter "The Rock" because the church will be built upon him. In other words, Peter's got some swag; he's the bee's knees, he's kind of important, and people listen to him. In the early days of Christianity, people weren't sure exactly what Jesus' resurrection might mean or who was included. Was this a new form of Judaism? Was this open to Gentiles? What does a person need to do to be a disciple of Jesus Christ? 

Paul, on the other hand, was a Pharisee who actively persecuted the early church. The resurrected Jesus meets him on the road to Damascus in Acts 9, where has a conversion experience and is convinced to begin serving Jesus Christ. In Acts 11, we learn that Paul feels his distinct calling is to take the message of Jesus Christ to the Gentiles, so that God's special relationship with the Jews could be known to all people. As we see in Acts 11 and in Galatians 1, Peter and Paul, among others, vehemently disagree with one another about what it means and what it looks like to be a follower of Christ. Some of their arguments get downright nasty.

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Yet in scripture, we never really learn that they've figured out one way to agree. In fact, to this day, denominations all over the world disagree about what a person needs to do to be a Christian. No one was declared "right." I often imagine Paul and Peter arguing until the days of their deaths. And yet, they loved each other. They argued with love. Peter, as the founder of the Roman Catholic faith, and the apostle present in the Pentecost, is an essential part of the beginning of the church. We couldn't have done it without him. At the same time, Paul who traveled all over Europe and northern Africa spreading the news of the gospel to Gentiles was just as necessary. We see watermarks of their influence still on our beliefs two millennia later.

Paul and Peter give us a great example of what it means to disagree with love, and to learn how to be united in the desire to follow Jesus Christ. Both voices can be heard with respect and kindness even when we aren't going to agree.

Finally, the safety pins

All over social media, I've been seeing varying opinions about wearing safety pins. The safety pin is supposed to be a symbol on allies that that person is a safe person to talk to, that they will step in to defend the rights and dignity of minorities, and that they will not remain silent. Some people believe this is an easy way for people to voice their dissension from those who may have voted for Donald Trump out of dislike for minorities. And, I think that makes some sense. The day after the election, I had a lot of folks on my Facebook newsfeed who have darker skin than I do, who are members of the LGBTQ community, who are immigrants or refugees, who are victims of sexual assault, who immediately declared, "Do I have a place in Trump's America?" Regardless of where you stand politically, it is absolutely heartbreaking that anyone has to ask if they are safe in America; that is not what we stand for, it is not how we were founded, and it should not be something we tolerate for our future. I want those people, immediately, to know that I care, that I love them, and that I am a safe person to come to.

Yet at the same time, I heard another voice. I heard people say racist things out of ignorance and violent things out of frustration. I heard voters come out and declare that even though they don't agree with some of the progressive moves in our country's politics, they refuse to be left behind. America has declared that gun violence is a problem, same sex couples can marry, and black lives matter, and for better or worse, they aren't ready for that. No one has stood next to them and explained why these things are important. They are asked to put their feet in someone else's shoes, but they feel no one has considered their own experience. I am by no means saying that these people are oppressed, but have we really made progress half of our population doesn't understand why we are making it?

And finally, I have been struck by silent voices. I've heard a lot of white people on TV talking about black voters, but I haven't heard enough (in my opinion) about the political feelings of the black population (I say this not as a slight toward them but toward the media). I have heard a lot of so-called important issues across the news, and yet I haven't heard a political candidate or a media personality say more than a passing word about the pipeline going through sacred lands in North Dakota and the continued mistreatment of the Native American population there.

So here's our interpretation of the Safety Pin:

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#1: Safety

We are using a safety pin instead of a push pin or a needle because it reminds us that God's love is always safe. In God's love, we don't need to be right. Whether we believe that homosexuality is a sin or not, we can agree that no person should consider hurting themselves because of their sexuality. Whether we understand all of the complexities of our nation's racism, we can all agree that no one should fear for their lives because of the color of their skin. Whether we want to take in all the refugees or put a strict limit on our borders, we can all agree that people who are fleeing from terror should be able to find a place where they are safe.

God's love is safe, complete, and whole. We don't always have to be right, but we do have to be loving. Even if one way does prove to be more right than another, we are not going to achieve understanding between opposing parties until we can enter a conversation knowing that we ourselves are beloved children of God and the person with whom we are arguing is also a beloved child of God. Jesus gave us the example when he heals on the Sabbath, when he touches lepers, and speaks to sinful women; Jesus, in his actions, gives us the example that God's work isn't about being right but about being loving.

#2: Still a pin

The safety pins remind us that we have a calling to commit ourselves to this love each day. We are not going to be successful every day. There will always be people who are hard to love, situations we can't understand, and people with whom we disagree, but the pin reminds us that we are called to follow Jesus first, not our own opinions. This means that some of us will wear our safety pins on our clothes, holding ourselves accountable to being a voice alongside minorities and those being bullied in our community. Some of us are called to be advocates. This means that some of us will wear our safety pins in our pockets or out of sight because perhaps we aren't called to protect but to learn how to understand. Perhaps we are called to think before we speak or try to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. Perhaps we are simply called to just not be mean. None of us are called to violent acts in words and in physical action against another person because of who they are. None of us are called to be bystanders while violence and conflict occur. All of us are called to follow Jesus in actions of love and empathy.

#3: Not just a symbol but a lifestyle

Wearing this pin could be a really convenient way for white, straight, rich people to feel good about themselves. You could, in theory, wear this pin and mean nothing by it, just wanting the public to think you are a good person. Like when my Ultimate Frisbee team in college prayed before a game. But if you aren't going to accompany this symbol with a lifestyle change, then you're not ready to wear it on the outside of your clothes. Like when our team captain at Ultimate Frisbee proceeded to cuss out the referees and the other team approximately 10 minutes after our prayer. This pin is about taking a real look at ourselves, acknowledging our prejudices and bias, acknowledging our privilege and pride, acknowledging the difference between self and other while also acknowledging that in diversity we are beloved by God. It's about challenging ourselves to live into the call of God and affirming that we are people of love. Not all of us will wear the pins for everyone to see, but each of us are called to this self-assessment and humbling of self. This is our only path to peace.

So join us:

We are not perfect. We are sinners trying to follow a perfect God. We will probably never all agree about politics or racial issues or homosexuality, or whatever the case may be. What we can agree on is the love of Jesus Christ in this world. When we participate in hate, we are denying that love. When we ignore the hurt around us, we are denying that love. When we care more about our own pride and rightness, we are denying that love. I welcome dissenting opinions about this, in hopes that we might have loving discussion in the vein of Peter and Paul, so that our tomorrow really might be more peaceful than today.

A Time to turn the other cheek and a Time to flip over the tables...and everything in between

When I was in 9th grade, I was required to take a Speech class. As one of our assignments, we worked on Original Oratory, which expressed our opinions about a particular topic. We debated those topics in class. One smug gentleman gave his speech about how glorious and wonderful the pope was. He stood in front of us with a 4 inch silver cross dangling from his neck and recited sentence after sentence about why we should adore the pope.

Of course, the North Hills in Pittsburgh had a large Catholic population, so his speech was well received by the majority of the class. He strutted across the front of the classroom as though he thought he might be able to skip the debate part because no one would disagree with the pope. The girl in front of me stood up. She was wearing a full-length black velvet cloak and had black makeup that pronounced the features on her face, the goth look was very popular then. She declared, looking as Satanic as possible, "I think the pope is full of [insert your own word for excrement]. What gives him authority? I'm not Catholic; why should I believe the pope has any authority?"

There was a rumbling of mumbling students all shocked at her boldness, and the speaker's mouth dropped open in a mixture of shock and horror. "Yeah well," he replied, "You're the only one here who thinks that, and you'll be going straight to hell."

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Um...what???

So, of course, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "Well, I'm not Catholic either, and I don't know why I would give the pope any authority either." There was an audible gasp around the room, and the speaker and I exchanged several jabs concluding with:

Me: Yeah, well, the pope is just some crotchety old man who hates women!

Speaker: {presses cross against my forehead} The power of Christ compels you! Away with thee, Satan!

[I really wish I were exaggerating this story, but I am not. This literally happened.]

What was the result of this inane argument? Nothing. I certainly wasn't persuaded that the pope had authority over the protestant church, and he remained convinced that I was doomed to hell for all of eternity. For all of the energy expended, the shouting, the enraged tempers, the heightened emotions, this argument changed nothing except to create permanent animosity between me and the speaker. 

High School Sunday School

I tell this story because yesterday in High School Sunday School we discussed the story of Jesus flipping over the tables in the temple. We talked about how the money changers were bringing injustice to the temple and the culture, about how the high prices for sacrifices kept out the poor and there was active discrimination against certain groups of people trying to worship. And we talked about Jesus' extreme reaction to this: flipping over tables, shouting, running the money changers out of the temple area, even fashioning a whip in John's gospel.

We've got extreme injustice, and we've got a loud cry on behalf of that injustice. As a class, we realized that the world is not so different today. Our youth often see kids who are bullied or treated differently for one reason or another.They know people who use the Bible as a weapon to tell them they are wrong. They experience obstacles in the accomplishment of their dreams (not making the team or the spot in band or the grade they had hoped for or the SAT score they desired). The know the opportunities that they have that others do not have. And they know Jesus took rather extreme measures to make a loud raucous in opposition to injustice in his day.

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It is a natural part of the maturing process for teenagers to think that they are always right. As they begin to formulate their own opinions and understand the world in different dimensions, it is a part of coming into their own to believe that their opinions, regardless of their foundation in evidence, are always right. And frankly, we know that feeling: it is a lot more fun to call the pope crotchety than it is to agree to disagree.But another part of growing up is learning that I will be I and you will be you, and we are not the same. It takes a tremendous effort to hear the story of another person with an empathetic ear and to take a step into their shoes. I know that it can be discouraging when we hear kids say things that are insensitive, rude, and selfish. I know because I've heard it a million times. What I remind myself constantly is that the world is still so small for these youth. Experiences like Work Camp help them realize that the world is bigger than they thought, the issues are more complex than they had previously known. But even still, compared to my life experience, the world is still small to them. It's okay for youth to stubbornly proclaim how right they are; it's also okay for them to get a swift kick in the tookus, a spiritual two-by-four to the face, if you will, that opens their eyes to the reality that the earth actually rotates around the sun and not them. Friends, this is NORMAL, so so normal. 

So...so having discussions that don't end in exorcisms...

So getting back to my disagreement with the Catholic that ended in me having a silver cross pressed into my forehead... as I mentioned nothing was gained from that conversation except bitterness and pride. While it is just a fabulous story I've been itching to find a place for, if I could go back in time I would change the dialogue, I would make some new effort to recover the conversation to a constructive tone. I'm sure we all have memories like that.

As I look at Jesus' reaction to the temple, I wonder if the effect of that event wasn't limited to the shock and horror experienced by those who witnessed it first hand. Real change didn't happen on that day alone; rather, it's 2,000 years later, and we are STILL talking about it, having discussions about why Jesus did this and how it can be translated into today. The change didn't happen in the violence or the crazy-town reaction of Jesus; the effect didn't occur the moment those tables were flipped. The story doesn't end, "And then everyone sold items for a fair price and allowed all people into the Temple and they just loved Jesus so much."

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No the change, the effect occurred because Jesus' actions sparked civilized conversations about what was right and what was wrong. It challenged the people in authority and gave a voice to all people who entered the temple area that day.

We talked in Sunday School about how to cultivate these kinds of constructive conversations. I realize that some of our youth will have to have heated arguments that end with exorcisms in order to learn the lesson that that doesn't work; I know because I did, and I had several more conversations ending in bitterness until I realized I needed to try a different tactic. I know that had Jesus not begun with an extreme action, the silenced voices might never be heard. But in a world where Starbucks cups about world peace and unity are considered controversial and political, I feel it is my job and our calling as the church to advocate for peaceful discourse, for civil debates, and loving dialogue. Slowly, this voice of reason will begin to cut through the contentiousness of our society, both among our youth and our adults, until it makes a difference in the way we treat each other. The best thing we can do to help our youth learn that they are not always right is to learn that we ourselves are not always right.

Resources

Jesus, Tables, and Social Media

some teenager brain psychology stuff

There's no crying in ministry...

When I was in seminary, I was required to take classes about Pastoral Care. In those classes, there were many occasions where professors and fellow students said, "There is never a situation in ministry where it is appropriate for the pastor to be reduced to tears." This was a really challenging sentence for me because, well, I'm a big-time cryer.

I cry looking at pictures of my cousins growing up or of our friends' children smiling at their dads. I cry when I look at first-day-of-school pictures and see youth I've worked with all over growing up. I cry when those youth graduate from high school, and yes, I am old enough to cry when they get married. I cry when I see children bringing forth the offering and singing the doxology.

I cry at every wedding; I cried watching my best friend dance with her father when she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to dance again. I cry when I'm angry, frustrated, sad, or confused. I cried at a meeting when I felt I didn't do a good enough job leading Confirmation students. I cried every time I left a church to move on in God's call for my life. I cried when I held orphans in my arms in Mexico. I cried when I saw the devastation from Hurricane Katrina in Biloxi, Mississippi. I cried when I graduated from college, and when I got engaged to my husband. I cry at every death and every funeral, including pets; I even cry at a well-made iPhone commercial.

For most of my life, I have thought that crying made me weak. That it was something to be embarrassed of, or something I should hide, especially in ministry. Over the last year, I have learned to embrace the fact that I cry at everything for three reasons:

1. It's biblical. Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus in John 11, and he weeps with us today when we face grief, loss, and sadness.

2. I need to feel. God gave me the great capacity to feel so many emotions. For me, with my biological make-up for whatever reasons, to feel anything intensely means that I cry. I believe my tears are a way that I embrace life, faith, and relationships fully. 

3. It's good for me. My dear friend, Ellen, says that tears are liquid Prozac, they make us feel better and we should cherish them. She's right: they always act as a release for me.

So here I am, a real big cry-baby, and I am no longer ashamed of it. In fact, I embrace it as one of my spiritual gifts in ministry. Here are 10 things I cried about this weekend:

#10: Children praying

On Sunday morning, most of you probably attended the 11:00 worship service to hear the Winthrop Chorale. Of course, I was also at the 8:45 service, where we had the great treat of listening to the Junior Choir. They were, of course, wonderful, but the part of the service that struck me was the Lord's Prayer. As I completed my prayer of the people and transitioned into the Lord's Prayer, I suddenly heard a loud chorus of the Junior Choir students confidently and loudly reciting the Lord's Prayer. I looked over to see eyes scrunched tight and hands folded, kids praying the Lord's Prayer seriously, with all their hearts.

Well, I teared up. I know I wasn't the only one. It was so beautiful! I kept thinking to myself, "I have no greater joy than this: to see my children walking in the light."

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#9: Hearing the buzz about Unity

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Every week, you may not realize it, but we have upwards of 50 visitors walking through our doors. That's more than some churches have on their entire rolls. This weekend, I had the chance to talk with many of our visitors who said, "People have told us that Unity's Youth Group is special" or "We've heard that Unity has really great worship" or "There's nothing going on in our community like what's going on at Unity Presbyterian Church." I see the Holy Spirit at work so often in my work here, but when the collective community starts talking about it, it just proves that it's the Holy Spirit at work. I know at times what we do at our church seems monotonous, like we do the same things each year or at each turn. Sometimes it can be difficult to take a step back and see what is really going on around here, and I encourage you, take a good look at our church because something special is going on here.

#8: Middle School Trip to Corn Maze

It might seem simple and maybe not even relevant that there were 35 middle school youth who attended the Corn Maze field trip on Sunday. They enjoyed face-painting, slushies, corn mazes, and hay rides. This might seem normal, and we are used to seeing these types of pictures:

But this isn't normal throughout the world. More often than not, the pictures of students ages 11-13 that we see in the media are kidnapped, runaways, abused, or troubled. When we see them on the news, it is because they have joined gangs or found drugs at an early age. Too often lately, we see these young teens in memoriam after an accidental death or suicide. As I looked around at our middle schoolers, unfettered by horrors, violence, and evil, I was overwhelmed (shockingly...to the point of tears) with gratitude that even with all of the challenges our teens face, they can find one afternoon of solace and unadulterated joy at a corn maze. Let's not forget what a gift that is.

#7: Bible Recommendations

As I prepared my lesson for Confirmation class on Sunday morning, I began to dread actually teaching the lesson. The topic was "Why are there so many versions of the Bible?" and I had excitedly prepared a lesson that would have made my old college religion professor, Dr. Na, very very proud. I organized passages to look at in various versions and I copied pages from my Greek and Hebrew texts for them to look at. I thought to myself, dear Lord, no kid is going to be interested in this.

And as I began class and looked at their sleepy eyes, I was sure that I would be right. At the end of class, I asked if anyone had any questions. One student raised her hand and asked, "What recommendations would you have for us if we are looking to purchase our own bible?" As she said this, many heads perked up and hands even grabbed writing utensils to scribble down some information. Once I scraped my chin off the floor, I responded by encouraging them to go to www.biblegateway.com and to begin reading texts in different versions and decide which version you feel most comfortable with (which I recommend to everyone).

I've been doing youth ministry for 10 years. I've had some amazing kids who probably wondered about buying a new bible for themselves; I've had wonderful parents who did lengthy research to find a bible that worked best for their children. Never, ever, have I heard a child ask me in a class what recommendations I had for Bibles. In fact, most of my advice as a youth pastor is unsolicited, but I hope it falls on hungry ears. And again, I found myself taking a pit stop to the bathroom on the way to worship to blot my eyes as I said a prayer of thanks for this wonderful pursuit of faith.

#6: Illness, Injury, and Struggle

I say all of these previous ones with the caveat that we do not have perfect children in our church who never face adversity, challenge, or despair. In fact, there is a whole heck of a lot of hurt in our community; it is simply the way our youth are choosing to manage and handle that hurt that makes them special.

This week, I learned that we have several kids who are suffering from concussions or injuries. We have lots of kids home with pneumonia, strep throat, and yes, the dreaded stomach flu. We have kids who failed auditions or struggle with grades, who have commitments from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed, who worry about getting into college before they've even gone to middle school. We have parents pulling all-nighters to pick their kids up from band or make sure homework gets done or observe through a tough fever. 

There are so many challenges, it is hard to keep up with them all. I do however, hold these in my prayers. Sometimes, I hold these in my prayers through tears, each tear a prayer lifted over to God. I hate that kids have to suffer, but as much as I'd love to keep it from happening if I could, I know that "suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." (Romans 5.3-5)

Know always that you are loved, 

you are covered in prayer,

and you are empowered by the living God.

#5: Advent Devotions

Our Middle School Youth had the opportunity to write Advent Devotions that will be included in this year's Advent Devotion booklet for Unity Presbyterian Church. Each daily entry has been written by a member of our church, and some of them were written by the youth. 

Sometimes, we set our expectations for spiritual understanding extremely low when we are talking to or about youth. Whether we think their brains have not fully developed yet or they lack life experience or they simply don't have a voice at the table because of their age, we tend to think that our youth should be protected from difficult concepts and encouraged in simple, concrete understandings of scripture. This is a fallacy that even I admit I can fall into. Our youth are deep, challenging, intelligent biblical thinkers. As I read through these devotions, I thought to myself, "This one sounds a lot like the church father Augustine" or "Gee, John Calvin would be proud." I am looking forward to each of you getting the chance to read these and the devotions written by many others during the Advent season (beginning November 27). The booklet will be available online each day on our website and the Facebook page, and some paper copies will be available in the Narthex beginning November 20.

#4:  Youth Room Painting

Years ago, I offered to lead a youth group in repainting the youth room. The kids came in 3 days to do the bulk of the painting; I came in every day for lots of hours for 2 months putting in all the tiny details and making it look nice. As I brushed my roller over the final piece of wall, I thought to myself: "I am literally never doing this again, I don't care how ugly the walls of a youth room are."

So when the high school youth in Sunday School brought up to their teachers that they wanted to repaint the youth room, I firmly said that if they wanted to do it, they needed to do it themselves. On Sunday, they trooped in and busted out a lot of painting skills in that room. Maybe it would have looked better if a professional had come in, but the fact is: that room belongs to them. Every drop of paint on the floor, every visible stroke on the wall, every color, every stain, every inch. It is a place in which they are safe and comforted, a place they take ownership of, and a place they have made safe and special for youth in generations to come. After I checked in on them on Sunday, I of course got a bit teary as my heart filled with gratitude at their initiative, leadership, and sense of inclusion in the church.

#3:  Confirmation Retreat

This week I had the great privilege of spending 24 hours at Bethelwoods Camp and Conference Center with our 8th graders as we explored the "Radical Pursuit of God" in the beginning stages of our faith journey. We made spiritual smashbooks to talk about who we are and where we are gifted; we did team challenges to learn about how as a church, we work together; we spent time in silent prayer and reflection about our individual spiritual journeys.

Every year, I say, "This is the best Confirmation class ever!" and I legitimately mean it, because I just love Confirmation so much. There is nothing that gives my heart greater joy than to watch our youth figuring out exactly what faith means to them individually. The future of the church is in the hands of these wonderful teenagers, and I have every confidence that the church will survive to do great things in their capable hands.

#2:  Winthrop Chorale

If you were in worship on Sunday, no commentary is necessary for this.

If you were not in worship on Sunday, make sure you don't miss the Winthrop Chorale next time. The worship was astounding and spirit-shaking.

And #1: My Messy Office and other signs

If you have been to my office recently, you are aware that it looks like a storage facility that had a tornado shoot through it. Every day, I have to wade through boxes and piles of books and papers and pool noodles and posterboards and dead weeds and glue sticks and balls of yarn... It makes me anxious even right now as I looke around seeing lessons from months and months ago, still waiting for me to find a new home for them. Certainly, I could cry over how much of a mess it is. But I also cry because it is so used. The complete messiness of my office is a reminder to me that we are doing real ministry, a real work in the Kingdom of God. We are meeting unique needs in our community, we are loving kids in new and special ways, and we are creating this safe space for them to thrive and experience God's love. While I'd love to have a clean office, I'd much rather be writing this blog sitting in a pig sty than have no ministry to account for. We are busy. We are full. And I for one am very proud of the special work we are doing with the teens of our community.

What makes you cry in ministry? What do you reach out to experience with all of your emotions?