Empathy: walking a mile in someone's shoes

Our Middle School students are currently entrenched in a series centered around Colossians 3, and putting on the clothes of Christ. Each week, we have looked at a different word/article of clothing that Paul describes for us to put on as followers of Christ. Two weeks ago, we focused on kindness, going beyond the obvious ways and thinking truly about what it means to put kindness first.

 

Yesterday, we focused on the words compassion and empathy. We talked about how the word "empathy" comes from two Greek words:

 

em: meaning alongside, with, or in

 

and

 

pathos: meaning to endure, to experience, or to suffer

 

So when we have empathy for another person, we endeavor to experience, endure, or suffer alongside or with someone else. We hear what they have experienced and we walk with them.

 

Jesus and his empathy

Jesus himself was a strong empathizer. Just about every story of healing helps us to understand that Jesus came to the places where people were suffering, enduring hardship, or experiencing challenges, and he gave name and value to their suffering, giving them the ability to overcome these challenges. We think of the paralytic brought to Jesus by his friends, and Jesus gives him the ability to walk and the forgiveness of his sins. We think of the many blind men who came to Jesus for sight. We think of men with leprosy, who were outcasted and shunned from the community because of their skin disease, and Jesus gave them healing both physically and socially.

 

Together with the Middle School youth, we shared a story from Mark 5.21-42. In the story Jesus is asked to save the life of a child who is about the die from illness. As he is walking toward the ailing child, he is followed and pressed in upon by a large crowd of people. A woman with hemorrhage bleeding, who could not find a cure, touched the cloak of his garment out of desperation to make herself well. This small act was enough to cure her, but Jesus did not simply keep walking.

 

Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, "Who touched my clothes?" And his disciples said to him, "You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say, 'Who touched me?'" He looked around to see who had done it. But the woman knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling, fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed from your disease."

 

Jesus, as we see here, is not remote, sterile, or hands-off. Jesus was pleased that a healing had occurred, and felt the need to express his empathy for this woman. Healing, it seems, is sometimes more than just a physical action; healing is also about relationships and love, compassion and empathy.

 

Teenage empathy

It can be really hard to have empathy as a teenager. I can remember as a 6th grader, there was a boy in my class named Paul. I had had class with Paul since kindergarten, and I knew he was an odd duck. Paul picked his nose and ate his boogers (probably once in 3rd grade, but it was well known among our classmates that he did it regularly). He packed his lunch in a huge brown grocery bag, and he had an obsession with trains and trolleys. His clothes were always too tight and filthy. He kept his desk extremely messy, papers crumbled and sticky, protruding wildly from his book-slot. He didn't have many friends, and he was the favorite target of bullies and gaggles of newly boy-crazy girls. Paul was not cool at all.

 

Our sixth grade teacher really did not like Paul, and was especially appalled by his personal hygiene and absolutely filthy desk. I can remember her yelling at Paul about his mucus being everywhere, and then she flipped his desk, the contents scattering all across the floor, and telling him to clean up his mess. It was terrifying to watch; several of us were trying to stuff loose paper into books and folders so as not to be the next victim of the wrath of Mrs. P. At recess that day, Paul looked especially dejected. He usually spent recess reading on a bench, but today, he was just sitting on the blacktop in the shadows, his face screwed up with humiliation. I don't think there was anyone in my class who didn't feel bad for Paul. I can remember a chorus of "that sucked!" from my classmates, although a few of them did acknowledge how messy his desk was, and that Mrs. P should have told him to clean it up. "Still," many people reasoned, "she should have done it in a more polite way. That wasn't right."

 

Yet no one had the courage to go sit with Paul. It would have been social suicide, and perhaps some of us thought an association with Paul might incur some displeasure from Mrs. P. Plus, as I said, Paul had some hygiene issues. He smelled bad, and I didn't think we had anything in common.

 

I believe it is so difficult for teenagers to move from just feeling bad for someone to actually taking a stand on their behalf. It takes a herculean effort for a teenager to sacrifice their own social pride to stand on the side of someone who is disliked, unpopular, or strange. And part of that is not because they are mean-spirited or poorly raised; part of it is a natural part of development. In Middle School, youth are learning who they are and how they want to be known by others. Because of their hormones and brain development, they also focus on immediate consequences for their actions. So, when Paul was sitting in his misery and all kids considered being kind to him, their brains envisioned the scornful looks of their friends and the fear of being labeled a weirdo alongside of him. We hope as people of faith to lead our Middle Schoolers to think, "I want to be known as someone who is compassionate" and to say, "Sitting with Paul at recess while he is embarrassed will show my classmates that I am compassionate." It requires them to think more abstractly, and it requires them to think through the long-term consequences rather than the immediate lack of social approval which may or may not occur.

 

Results?

Over two weeks of talking about kindness and compassion, two related but separate concepts, it has been truly astounding to watch as kids open up about what they are seeing and experiencing in our schools and neighborhoods. Like many of us adults, our middle school youth are wrestle with the desire to say, "I'm doing the best I can do," and the desire to do more. As these wonderful youth enter their weeks today, I am grateful to know just exactly how tuned in their consciences are, and I pray that they become aware of opportunities for them to be empathetic, that they would trust in God and take a step forward in compassion, and that the Holy Spirit would move through them with peace, confidence, and courage.

 

 

High School

It is fitting that our High School youth went to hear Rev. Sam McGregor speak about the relationship between Christianity and Islam. Sam spoke with a lot of compassion and empathy for our Muslim neighbors, who endure unfair criticism and unjust prejudice as a result of the actions of a few extremists. I will be interested to hear about the perspectives of our youth as they contemplate this lecture and move forward from it. It seems a perfect opportunity for us to have compassion and empathy in a time of need.

 

Resources

 

8 Ways to Teach Compassion to Your Kids

 

Some Science on Empathy

 

Empathy and Social Media

Apathetic Sloths: a tiny mountain church and its big impact on teens

This past weekend, I had the great...ahem...joy [anxiety, stress, nervousness...] of attending a ski trip to Beech Mountain with 12 high school youth and 5 adults. This trip was a planner's nightmare:

 

First, we couldn't go to West Virginia because the prices were too steep. Then we couldn't go February 12-15 because places were booked for the holiday. Then we had a bunch of kids sign up, and a bunch of kids drop out. Then we had kids who didn't want to ski but just come and hang out. Then we had a panic on the Monday before about who was driving to/from the event. Then Beech mountain informed us that we could pay in one check for skiing but not for snow tubing. Then I needed cash for the rental place. And I just kept telling myself, it will all be OK once we've arrived.

 

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Well, that was wrong. As we drove there, our caravan got separated. One of our vehicles started to overheat on the mountain roads. Then I realized I had forgotten all the board games. It took us three passes in the dark to find the correct cabins. You could not walk to the resort from the cabin without walking across the ski slope. The lessons for first-timers weren't available until the afternoon. And then there was the steady mist and fog drifting down the mountain. It was like being in an episode of Lost...

 

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It just seemed, honestly, like nothing was going to go right on the planning end. Did we get there safely? Yes. Did the kids have a wonderful time, skiing all day and all night? Yes. Of course, I am immensely grateful for God's movement in spite of my planning. Of course, I am grateful that God's plans are better executed than my own. But when this many things are thrown off course, it makes it so difficult for leaders to really kick back and enjoy the weekend and community.

 

Okay, so what's your point?

My point is that when I look at the Ski Trip, I have two choices: I can see my own lack of control, I can see all of my mistakes, I can see all of the things I did wrong or left undone. I can drown in my own self-doubt and self-pity. I can come up with one million excuses and hide behind them so that the criticisms of my peers and colleagues can't touch me.

 

OR...I can see the ways that the hands and feet of Christ remained at work even while I failed. There are times in ministry when, if we are the body of Christ, I am the appendix of Christ: useless, and only noticeable by failure. The great thing about the body of Christ is that it is just that, a body made up of many parts, and the other body parts do not stop functioning just because I've hit a road block.

 

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.

1 Corinthians 12.12

 

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts according to the grace given us.

Romans 12.4-6a

 

Let me take a minute to acclaim the other members of the body of Christ who functioned superbly this weekend, doing the will of Jesus Christ among the youth.

 

Rev. Field Russell, Banner Elk Presbyterian Church

I told the kids that I planned to worship at a church in the mountains on Sunday morning several months ago. I was greeted with polite, "Yes ma'am's" and grimaced faces. One student even said, "So have you done any research on this church? Because mountain people are...well...different." Yet I stuck to my guns, and on a recommendation from Pastor Jeannie, we went to Banner Elk Presbyterian Church on Sunday morning. I confess, I was worried. I was tired, and would have liked to have gotten on the road. I was hungry and anxious to get to our meal stop. And the bulletin told me that the sermon was to be one in a series on the Seven Deadly Sins, in this case sloth. I was beginning to worry that this sermon might be a real brow-beater. I was beginning to worry about whether I or my youth could keep our eyes open throughout the service.

 

But I needn't have worried. Rev. Russell preached on the Parable of the Talents, for which he gets automatic extra credit because it's a doozy of a parable. To top that, he equated sloth with apathy, something I and my youth could certainly benefit from hearing about. Too often, we deal with disappointment and failure by becoming apathetic. Too often, we feel that we can't make enough of a difference, so we choose apathy over empathy. Too often, a weekend of failures and unforeseen circumstances can turn us to apathy. Rev. Russell preached right into my heart, and it seems he did the same for many of the youth. Many youth voluntarily talked about the sermon, expressing enthusiasm over the topic and the preaching. There was nothing flashy about this man or this church. It was a small Presbyterian Church, and Rev. Russell was a kind and enthusiastic pastor, dressed in the same Presbyterian pastoral garb they see each Sunday. There was just something about this message that reeked of Jesus.

 

A couple selfless youth

It was not a weekend focused on mission, so I did not require kids to clean dishes or prep meals. I had low expectations in terms of attire and behavior in the worship service on Sunday. I focused strongly on building community, and enjoying fellowship with and among other youth.

 

One girl did all of the dessert dishes without being asked.

 

One boy set aside money from his spending money to place in the offering plate at Banner Elk.

 

One girl reached out to another girl who had trouble fitting in.

 

One girl gained the confidence to join in a loud game of Reverse Charades.

 

One adult spent a larger part of the day helping first-time skiers succeed.

 

These are the hands and feet of Christ, doing the work of Christ in a hungry world. These are the blessings of a God who is present with us in all parts of the day.

 

Middle School Youth Leaders

Due to traffic and slow movement, we only arrived back at the church from the ski trip at 4:00 on Sunday, giving me no time to change or rest before Middle School Youth Group began. I was just frankly pooped, and I knew I needed summon energy I did not possess to lead youth group. But that's just it- I didn't need to.

 

Some leaders played basketball like champions with our middle school boys. They stayed an extra few minutes to keep playing even after youth group was over.

 

Some leaders showed up to collect money and reservations for Sunday Night Live. They showed up organized and ready for action.

 

Some leaders led discussions about kindness that were deep and raw and full of emotion. Youth were challenged and comforted, inspired and reassured. Some small groups didn't even want to leave at 6:00. This doesn't happen often, folks. This was special.

 

My cat, George

As I arrived at home on Sunday night and my dear George Hairyson was done giving me a stern lecture about leaving him alone for two nights, he cuddled up on my shoulder and pressed his face against my cheek, one of his favorite moves. I'm convinced that there is nothing that can't be fixed by a good cat-cuddle. The Spirit moved in that moment, to calm me and reassure me that all was going to be all right.

 

What about you?

I feel confident that the body of Christ has been working in, around, and through each of you. How has God been at work in your lives? How has God done more than what you are capable, more than you have imagined? How has God blessed you when you are at the end of your rope?

 

Some extra links

A Lenten Devotion

Nadia Bolz-Weber

 

A *Grammy* Moment

As I was watching the Grammys last night, I noticed that each time a presenter would introduce a performance for the evening they would say, "This Grammy moment includes..." or "Here to create another Grammy moment..." Perhaps they've used this terminology in other years, but for some reason the phrase "Grammy moment" stuck out to me.

 

As you probably know, the Grammys have been famous for electric performances...

 

 

...for beautiful combinations...

 

 

...for frankly strange combinations...

 

 

...for heart-felt tributes...

 

 

...and sometimes for political statements...

 

 

I'm sure many of us can remember watching these moments and reacting to them. For some, we reacted positively. I simply love Elton John and believe he makes everyone on the stage better. For some, we reacted negatively. I vividly remember Pink's performance of flipping around on a piece of fabric hanging from the ceiling, but I wish she'd have left her singing voice on the stage because I dislike her music. When they mention Grammy moments, I think what they mean is that deep, palpable emotion that rises within us when we experience something together. That moment when Ed Sheeran sings a line and John Mayer makes the guitar whine at the just the right time and you think, oh yeah, I know that feeling. That moment when Kanye West storms the stage to declare who his winner should be, and we all collectively gasp, the anxiety rushing our veins. That moment when everyone agrees that Taylor Swift is the most overrated musician of all time (oh, wait, that hasn't happened yet...someday...hopefully...).

 

We are a people who live for these rushes in our lives. A year ago, I was planning for my wedding, and it seemed everywhere I went there was someone or some TV show or some advertisement reminding me that this would be the most magical, special, emotional day of my life. For months before that, men and women alike gave Alex advice on the perfect romantic proposal. In November, we renewed our vows with family and friends from all over the country. Instead of the traditional father of the groom "giving away" the bride, we decided to invite all of our guests to stand in support and affirmation of our love. As we turned to see a crowd of smiling faces standing and supporting us, I felt so loved, so grateful. A romantic moment.

 

Three years ago, Alex and I managed to get tickets to a playoff game for the Pittsburgh Pirates. It was the first playoff game that the Pirates had played in for more than 20 years. The entire crowd was dressed head to toe in black, pirate hats proudly perched on brows and huge black flags waving. The thrill of the crowd was like nothing I had ever experienced before. A sports moment.

 

8 years ago, I stayed up until late into the night watching the votes tally in as we learned that Barack Obama would be our next president. I can vividly remember the joyful faces on TV, and the next day, as I drove through the predominantly African American neighborhood in which I worked, there were people dancing in the street with excitement. A political moment.

 

These are moments when you can physically feel the action of joy bursting through your veins. These are moments we know we will always remember, that somehow change a core piece of who we are. And most importantly, these are moments when strangers gathered for a sporting event or concert become friends, even family. In some way, we are weirdly united to the strangers next to each other in our love and passion for something. It is truly the gospel at work.

 

Jesus moments?

The challenge we face in our culture is a desire to make Jesus into a moment. We long for these good feelings, this electrifying energy, this passion to permeate our churches. And why shouldn't it? We should long to serve the Lord our God with the greatest passion, with the strongest fullness we can muster.

 

As a recent graduate of high school, I attended Trinity Youth Conference, which I highly recommend to students now, as I'm still involved with the conference. I can remember singing the camp song "Someday" with the girls around the campfire, tears in my eyes, as I longed with my sisters for a time of peace and justice, a time of God's reign. I can remember hugging the members of my small group tightly wishing that I did not have to say goodbye. I can remember writing poetry and dancing with my friend Eric under a beautiful tree in the sunlight. Every time I drive down the mountain into the basin where Camp Living Waters rests, it is as though a cool refreshing drizzle of water is dripping gracefully down my neck. I breathe in the rich, earthy scent and know that I am breathing in the Spirit of God. When I see the line drawn where the dark green trees graze the powder blue sky, I know that I am home, that God is there. When I am sad or doubtful, I close my eyes and imagine the green of the trees; when I have struggled with difficult issues in my faith, it is my experience at TYC which propels me to understand it more deeply, to pursue it more passionately. Surely this high is what God intends for us to pursue.

 

And yet "moments" are not what Jesus is after.

 

When the Lord brings the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, he does not immediately bring them to the Promised Land where they have warm-fuzzy feelings and the latest praise and worship bands come for a never-ending worship-fest. No, God leads them into the desert intentionally. Exodus 13 tells us that God considered leading them the way of the Philistines as it would be shorter, but chose to lead them the longer "roundabout" way so as to earn their faith and trust.

 

The same is true for us. I believe that God does lead us to the highs and the strongly emotional experience, God also leads us out from those experiences in order to do ministry in the world. While spiritually rewarding experiences are a part of the spiritual journey on which we are all embarking, they are simply just that: a part of the journey, not the whole thing. Sometimes we come to worship and feel nothing. Sometimes we do a mission project and it feels boring or painful. Sometimes we give money or time or talents, and we never see the fruits of the labors we have done.

 

This, my friends, is God's call for us in Lent. In Lent, we are called to walk through the desert, through the roundabout way, so that we learn to trust the Lord our God, so that the Promised Land can be experienced with God not just because of God. In Lent, we are called to toss away our comfort and reward, and to pursue God simply because he is God. Because God's divinity is worthy of praise. Because we were made to praise and worship and love our God.

 

The challenge

This all sounds really nice until we look at our calendars. Our calendars are so jam-packed that we can't fit in anything that doesn't directly benefit us in some way. We could schedule cleaning out our closets on Friday to give to Goodwill, and that will kill two birds with one stone: cleaning our closet and helping those who need clothing. We could schedule in church on Sunday morning, but we'll skip Sunday School because we'd have to get up earlier and we don't feel we get anything out of it. We might skip worship this Sunday morning because Jo-Jo has a basketball game at 1:00, and we'd just be rushing too much to get there. I myself am guilty: it would be wonderful to have a real weekend to sleep in and enjoy an extra cup of coffee and an extra kitten cuddle.

 

I challenge us, including myself, to reach deeply within ourselves, trying to rid ourselves of our self-feeding actions. I challenge us to find something in this season of Lent to involve ourselves in, whether it's Sunday school or Wednesday night studies or what-have-you, even if they present obstacles and effort for us, so that they might mold us spiritually in ways we might not notice at first.

 

Lent is a difficult challenge if we take it seriously, and I pray that together we might seek the roundabout way in order to know God better.

 

Some Lent Resources

Pittsburgh Theological Seminary Blog Posts about Lent and Fasting

 

Rachel Held Evans: Ash Wednesday

 

 

 

 

 

I already know vs. I want to learn

It's been one heck of a season.

Even a foreigner quietly rooting for the Pittsburgh Steelers could feel the palpable excitement, confidence, and energy surrounding the Carolina Panthers this fall. It seemed like the thrill of winning and the excitement of excellence could not ever get old or run dry. I'm sure all of us could watch Cam throw perfect passes and Kuechly pound offensive players to the ground over and over and over again.

The Panthers ran onto the field on Sunday night as winners, filled with confidence, pride and excitement. It was thrilling. As I stood in line at Dominos to pick up my Super Bowl pizza behind 12 people all dressed head-to-toe in Panthers gear and face paint, I couldn't suppress a grin of happiness. The build up to Super Bowl 50 was electrifying. 

 

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Then, something unthinkable happened.

 

They lost.

 

Now, of course, as a Pittsburgher, I'll give credit to those of you who are claiming a conspiracy theory. It seems a little convenient that Sir Peyton Manning's appearance in the Super Bowl was also his 200th professional game...also probably his last game ever... But in reality, the Panthers simply made mistakes and failed to capitalize on the mistakes of their opponents.

 

They lost.

 

And now for something completely different...Ash Wednesday

It's kind of awkward in my mind that we are beginning Lent right now, but that is where it falls on the calendar. Like the Panthers, we seem to still be coming off of the nearly perfect season of Advent. Jesus has just been born, baptized, and preached his first sermon. We have not even had a chance to hear stories from Jesus' life and ministry, yet here we find ourselves: at Ash Wednesday, the commencement of Lent, preparing for Jesus' death and resurrection.

 

Lent is a tricky season. It requires us to suspend our imaginations, to look forward to Good Friday, but not so forward that we see the empty tomb and take the journey to the cross for granted. It requires us to remember our sin, even to dwell in our humanity, but not to become self-abusing about it. Lent requires us to give something up that keeps us from delving further into our faith journey, and to take up a new spiritual discipline to walk more closely in the footsteps of our Lord. We put away the songs with "Allelujah!" in them; everything is written in the key of e minor, according to Miss Patsy; we begin the season by smearing ashes across our face and reminding ourselves that we are dust. Not exactly a trip to Disney.

 

In Lent, we are asked to start the journey fresh. We are asked to leave what we think we already know and seek the things that we want to learn. We set aside our arrogance, our pride, our self-righteousness, and we seek humility, grace, and empathy. In short, we have to lose something in order to move forward in our discipleship with Jesus. It is similar to the Carolina Panthers, who are right now grateful for the success they have had, but they take their loss as an opportunity to learn how to be better in the future.

 

Some opportunities

Unity Presbyterian Church is taking its call to discipleship during Lent very seriously. There are lots of ways to learn and grow, to seek humility, grace, and empathy. We hope that you will join us as we leave our baggage and our pride at the door in order to follow our Lord more closely.

 

Sunday Night Live

Youth Group will remain normal during Sunday Night Live, but classes for adults and children will be available on Sunday nights. We will also join the congregation for the meal at 6:00 pm those evenings.

 

For more information or to sign up for a meal, go here:

 

Sunday Night Live

 

At Table With Jesus

On Wednesday evenings in Lent (February 17-March 16), we will have a program for adults and youth (both Middle and High School). Together, we will look at some lessons from the book At Table With Jesus by John O. Gooch. This will be the schedule:

 

6:00-6:30: Soup Supper

6:30-6:45: Brief Worship

6:45-7:30: Breakout Study groups

(Adult, High School, Middle School)

 

For more information, please go here:

 

At Table With Jesus

 

There is no need to sign up for this event. A free-will offering will be taken for food.

 

Sunday School

Every Sunday we have Sunday School from 10:00-10:45 am. Even if you've gotten out of the routine, it's never too late to come back.

 

Here are some adult classes:

 

Adult Discipleship

 

Here are some youth classes and youth group information:

 

Youth Discipleship

 

Devotionals

We have devotional books for people of all ages available. They include daily readings, prayers, and activities. Please visit our table in the Narthex following worship this Sunday to get a copy.

 

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Wherever you find yourself this season of Lent, I pray that you would find the wisdom and the strength to shed the things that hold you back, and I pray that you would find a way to follow Jesus more deeply and more closely.