Some Important Messages

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

I Hope You Dance (but not in a cheesy, cookie cutter kind of way)

When I graduated from high school, my parents and I packed up all of my worldly possessions and moved me into my Freshman dorm room at Westminster College in mid August. It was approximately 90 degrees when we moved in...no a/c, no elevator, just lots of sweat and hard work. My dad actually had to purchase a new shirt at the gift shop because he had sweated through his first one.

After my parents left, they were listening to the radio, and the song "I Hope You Dance" by LeAnne Womack came on the radio. If you don't remember it, here it is:


My parents actually had to pull over to the side of the road because the song made them cry so much. 

I can remember talking to my mom on the phone later that week. You see, when I started college I had to call home with a calling card, so we didn't get to talk much. My mom was, and still is, one of my greatest friends, and it was hard for me that first year of college to be away from her {although I did still roll my eyes when she told me this story}. Every time I hear this song, I'm reminded not only how truly terrible the late 90s were for country music, but about how I have my parents' support in everything I do, about how I can dream big and there are people cheering for me back home as I go for my goals.

As I reflect on my first school year of ministry at this church, this song and this story comes to mind. Sometimes we can get bogged down in the daily grind, in the "going to youth group because it's what you do on Sundays" mantra, or in the fear that our teenagers are totally going the wrong direction. Along with the Youth Ministry Team and the team of excellent volunteers I have had this year, we have tried to be intentional each week about what we do and why we do it. Here is my short list of what I hope the youth at Unity Presbyterian Church have gotten or will get from the 2015-2016 school year.

#5: I hope you feel welcomed...

Whether you entered into a sea of middle school students or a tight-knit group of high school students, I hope that someone greeted you warmly. I hope that an adult introduced themselves and a youth invited you into the conversation. I hope that someone asked you for your name and your history. I hope someone asked you about your passions and your gifts. I hope someone asked you if you play a sport or an instrument and silently cheered you on in some way.

Luke 10.38-42

When Jesus comes to the home of Mary and Martha, both women try their best to make Jesus feel welcome. Martha does this by preparing a feast and keeping a tidy home. Mary does this by resting at Jesus' feet and giving him her undivided attention.

I hope that no matter who you are are where you came from, the people of this youth group prepared something worth your time, and I hope that even for a single minute, someone gave you their undivided attention.

#4: I hope you feel loved...

By the time our youth hit middle school, they've already in many ways earned their labels and their stereotypes. The smart kids will remain smart; the kids who struggle in school are labeled as dumb. And as our middle schoolers look around at the sea of 13 year-olds, they compare themselves:

Am I cool enough?

Boys are not going to like me because I don't wear designer clothes.

I don't want to do this activity or wear these clothes because people will think I'm weird.

I don't want to seem different from everyone else, but I want to stand out as unique.

It can be easy for these questions and struggles to feed negative self-talk:

I'm not pretty enough.

I'm not rich enough.

I'm too smart, too quiet, too nerdy, too skinny, too fat...

When youth come to youth group, I hope they feel loved.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all of creation will be able to separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8.38-39

I hope you know that God loves you immeasurably more than we can ever imagine. There is nothing you can do that can make God love you any less.

And I love you. There is nothing you can do to make me love you any less either.

#3: I hope you feel heard...

Sometimes it can be difficult in a church of 1300 people to feel like our opinion matters. When we have an idea, it often gets tossed aside or put on the back-burner. So many times we hear adults telling us to "wait" or "give it time" or "thanks for sharing but we don't want to ruffle anyone's feathers, thanks." Even worse, at times we hear opinions from the pulpit or our church leaders with which we disagree wholeheartedly.

for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1.7

I hope that when you come to youth group, you know that all of the adults, including myself, are safe people to talk to. I hope you know that we take your thoughts seriously, and we work hard to make sure that your opinions are heard and respected. I hope you know that even when your voices are not the loudest ones in the room that there are adults working on your behalf to make sure your voices are amplified and heard. I hope you know that God empowers and equips each of you to speak the good news of Jesus Christ, regardless of your age, gender, race or anything else that might make you feel different or less worthy.

#2: I hope you feel challenged...

It would certainly be easy and effective if every lesson we had at youth group taught us to be loving and kind to the people we like who are easy to love. Unfortunately, following Jesus is hard work. It means that we have to sacrifice some of our own wants and desires in order to fully follow God.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God- what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12.1-2

I hope that when you left youth group each week, you were challenged to see the world and one another differently. I hope that throughout your weeks, the still small voice in your mind prompted you to think differently about your daily situations. I hope that you learned how to follow Jesus a little more closely this year.

#1:  I hope you were inspired...

In a previous church where I worked, I had a youth whose family situation was really bad. In short, he lived with his mom, who worked a lot and had an active social life, and there wasn't much time for this kid. In the area where the church was situated, it was very easy for young teenagers to find alternative activities to get involved in, the type of alternative activities that could land you in jail or worse. Instead, this kid ended up in youth group. He was inspired by the things he learned so he walked to church every day to help out with something. He stood up to his friends who were doing drugs or getting in fights, and he took a lot of responsibility for his own actions. He was inspired by the Jesus he encountered at the church to change his life for the better.

As chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience...And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3.12, 17

I hope you have been inspired to live differently, to pursue God's grace and peace, and to be truer, closer followers of Jesus Christ.


What have you experienced this year?

Tell us in our survey: Youth End-Of-The-Year Survey



Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Spinning Plates: what it takes to keep youth ministry going

Last week, I had the great privilege to go to the Women in Youth Ministry Conference at Montreat, sponsored by a great organization called the Youth Cartel. If you didn't know, there aren't a ton of women in Youth Ministry, and even fewer of us who actually stay in youth ministry for long-term careers. I met wonderful women at this conference: together, we ate delicious meals, we laughed at stories of meeting our husbands, we hiked in God's great earth together, we shared stories of hope and stories of struggle, and we prayed for one another. I was not surprised but still saddened to hear the stories of my colleagues in churches where they are constantly in fear that the next budget cut means the end of their job; it was heartbreaking to hear stories of senior pastors and congregations that said, "Adult discipleship is more important than youth discipleship" or "the youth don't care anyway, so why bother doing anything for them?" or "we hired a youth director so we wouldn't have to help with youth group anymore." These statements are symptoms of a sickness found in some of our churches, an ailment that makes youth ministry into a scapegoat or an afterthought. I've worked in these churches, and I can't describe to you how difficult it is to keep your eyes on the work that God is doing when people say discouraging things or you barely have enough energy to keep the boat afloat, let alone steer it in a particular direction.

I am so very grateful for the many many volunteers who give of their time to build relationships with our youth. Our church has indeed been blessed with willing hearts who give generously of their time, talents, and treasures. As we are in stewardship season {groan - not this sermon again}, I thought it might be appropriate for me to share with you some stories of how volunteers in this community have used their time, talents, and treasures to grow and sustain a healthy ministry here at Unity Presbyterian Church, and to extend an invitation to each of you to be a part of this ministry in some way.

Time: the greatest gift

Doubting Thomas

High School Sunday School has been one of the areas of youth ministry that has been struggling this year. Teens are still sleepy at 10:00 am, many having homework, practice, and rehearsal the night before. We have tried a couple of curricula, and none of them are particularly interesting or engaging; our attendance is low, and teachers often say they are not sure whether their lessons are effective or not. One day, the teacher spoke about doubts, reading the story of Doubting Thomas, and she was feeling very much like she had no idea if what she said was interesting to the students or not. As one student prepared to leave, she asked him, "Do you believe this stuff?" The young man turned to her and said, "Yes of course." She responded, "But you still have doubts?" The young man's eyes filled with tears, "Yes. Today's lesson, it was for me." Although sometimes the lessons feel like they might fall flat, the time this teacher has put into teaching Sunday School is invaluable. I feel certain that this is a memory that both the teacher and student will remember for the rest of their lives, and that will inspire discipleship in both of them. The gift of time, whether it's leading Sunday School or helping with Youth Group or going on a trip, is precious and special, it is essential to the building of the gospel.

Sharing Time

One of our Middle School leaders had a group of our 6th grade boys surrounding her, and she asked them candidly what they thought of youth group. One boy said he really loved the games, but he didn't like when we went into small groups and talked. He thought that was boring. The leader thought this sounded pretty normal, but then she saw the look on the other boys' faces.

"Dude, are you serious? I love small group time."

"Yeah, it's like the one place we get to say what we think."

"It's cool that we get to share with each other."

It's possible that when we move into small group time, we as leaders think that these kids find this time boring or unimportant. Especially when kids are quiet and thoughtful, we can misinterpret this as bored and uninterested. Because our leaders and youth have come consistently, and our kids have felt safe to share, over time we have built very trusting groups who can share openly and honestly with one another. Students have shared fears of bullying, emotional scars from traumatic events, and their own loneliness. All of this is because at least 6 youth leaders carve out one hour of time in their busy schedules to sit and talk and listen to our youth. That is sacred and holy.

Cheerleaders

One Sunday in youth group, one of our students announced that he was trying out for the musical. One of our leaders became very excited at this, asking for the dates of the musical so that she and others could go see the performance. She then asked around the group about sports kids played or instruments they practiced so that we could come and see their games and performances.

"What do you do, [Insert Youth Name[]"

"I'm on the fishing team."

"Let's go see him fish!"

"I mean it's really long and boring, and I don't know where you'd watch from."

"Let's go rent us a boat so we can watch this guy fish!"

Now, I'm sure we've missed a lot of games and performances, but the fact remains: our youth leaders are willing to sacrifice some of their own time to be with the youth. They take text messages for prayer requests, they watch musicals, they give their kids to babysitters so they can spend a weekend skiing with teenagers. This is special. Yes, this requires sacrifice, but the return is so great and so wonderful.

Talents


Homework Help

When I first met one of our youth leaders, he began to talk about Physics and I was instantly bored. Dude, I nearly failed Physics in high school, I work as a pastor, science is definitely not my thing.



At the first youth group, I was amazed [open mouth, insert foot] as kids walked up to this leader giving him high-fives and hugs. He asked them how their science classes were going, and he made arrangements to help a few of the kids with their Physics homework next week. Each week, I am more and more impressed and amazed at the way this leader gives of his gift of intelligence with these kids each week. At first glance, being good at science might not be a qualifier for working with youth. And maybe you have a gift or talent that doesn't necessarily seem like it would fit with youth. Maybe you think you're too old or too out of touch, too nerdy or too intellectual. When we give them over for God's Kingdom, God uses our gifts in ways perhaps we hadn't imagined. God blesses what we have and uses it to advance his kingdom.

Games Guru

It's a similar story, but different. When I began here, I heard legends of the Games Guru who led games in the Middle School. The legends were that this guy was amazing, the kids loved him, and he was just gifted at leading games. When I met with him for the first time, he put his two hands up in the air and said, "I'm just winging it every week. I have no idea what I'm doing."


In truth, he was doing a lot more than he gave himself credit for. The group had done about 2 or 3 games on a regular basis, and he criticized himself for not coming up with new material. We tried some new games, we brought in old games, a basketball hoop and four-square court appeared in our parking lot - but bottom-line: this dude is really good at leading games. The kids follow him, he teaches well, he has great energy, and they respect him as a friend and a leader, not an easy balance. Even as he tried to play them down, his gifts for leading kids with games are undeniable.

Maybe you lack confidence in a gift you have. Together, I believe w can help to foster the gifts you have, and help you to use them for the glory of God.

Stepping in

This year, we ran the Angel Tree Bake Sale and the Easter Egg Hunt, both on a relatively short budget of time. I asked the same small group of volunteers to lead these two events, and frankly, they did such an amazing job, I am still in awe of their work. These ladies have tremendous gifts in organization, sending out Sign-Up Geniuses, keeping track of donations, counting donations. And they gave their gifts freely and kindly.These two ministries not only managed to take place this year, they were also great beacons of light and hope to the whole congregation and community. 

Treasures

Some stuff people don't want to talk about

So, we never like to talk about the money part, but I'll be brief and to the point. Youth Ministry takes a lot of resources to run. Youth Ministry includes: Sunday School for Middle and High School students, Confirmation, both Youth Groups, mission trips, conferences, fellowship events, a full-time staff person, administrative supplies, and communications to youth and their families. We regularly see between 50 and 70 students each week, and we have contact with more than 150 students and their families. This is a sizable ministry, and it's growing. It requires financial contributions to stay afloat, and of course you know that. Of course, God calls us to be stewards of what we are given, knowing that it is not ours but God's and we should use it for God's pleasure and honor. But we want to make sure that when we give our money or our goods, that they will be used in the ways we want them to be. Here's three major ways that Youth Ministry uses money to make a better ministry:

Summer Trips

I had a youth at a previous church who was only marginally interested in youth group. She was very popular at school, and she had ditched many of her less popular youth group friends to hang out with more popular, party-going teens. She went through the Confirmation class one year, and decided to go on the mission trip, since most of the rest of the class was going. I can't say for sure, but I think Mom might have put her foot down on this one. This young lady entered the trip with perfect makeup and hair, an air of superiority, and a practiced fake laugh. She selected two or three friends and kept the rest of the group at bay by mocking them behind their backs. 

By the end of the week, this youth was completely different. She emerged from a job site where she had been digging with a jack-hammer, covered in filth, her hair tossled and dirty, her face pouring with sweat, and a look of determination on her face. This young lady had learned to serve others, to put others before herself. She left having befriended everyone in the group, and although she struggled for a while to balance between her popular friends and her church friends, she eventually made a way to bridge the gap. She cites this mission trip as one of the most transformative experiences of her life.

Each summer, we offer a mission experience and conference experience for both Middle School students and High School students. That makes four trips per year. The cost for these trips is astronomical; without the help of the church a family with one middle schooler and one high schooler who each went to both experiences would cost upwards of $1,000. Because we value the experiences our youth attain on these trips, because we want to hear more stories like the one ascribed above, we contribute a large portion of our budget to making sure that the costs are not astronomical. We additionally have a separate fund you can give to aside from your tithing that goes toward scholarships, so that there will never be a kid who is prevented from going on these trips because they can't afford it.

Communications and Administration

I confess: I am absolutely horrendous at keeping the website up to date and looking nice. If you go to the youth page right now, you will be embarrassed for me, as it contains just a bunch of garbled links and sentences.

It's tough right now. Unity Presbyterian Church has around 1300 members, and, on average, we get around 75 visitors on any given Sunday morning in worship. That's literally more people, let alone members and visitors, than my grandmother's church gets on Christmas Eve. We seem to be in this chemistry experiment, where everything around us is exploding and expanding. I certainly wish I had a better website, and I strongly desire for all of my communications to be clear, concise, and clean-looking. Yet, as the world expands around us, we are scrambling to meet the needs of our community, and our staffing simply hasn't caught up. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got in ministry was this: Lindsay, you were hired to be the Associate Pastor for Youth. They hired you because you have special and unique gifts for that ministry, and that is what you should spend the majority of time not doing what you were called here to do, you are wasting the church's money. I've always liked that: if I spent enough time, I'm sure I could have a superb website and wonderful flyers for every event, but I would have missed time in pastoral care, in bible studies and prayer with youth, and in coming up with creative lessons for youth group. As our church continues to grow, the need for clear, uniform, and consistent communication grows even more rapidly.

In the 2016-2017 budget proposal is a request for a part-time Communications Specialist, someone who can give vision to the ways we communicate with the congregation and with each other, who can give our website a face-lift, and who is uniquely gifted in various forms of communication. It may seem that the Communications Specialist would not directly benefit Youth Ministries, but I believe that the CS would actually most directly benefit Youth Ministries, as we have the greatest amount of information that needs to be communicated to the congregation. I urge you, as you are considering your pledges, to remember that essential pieces of the puzzle like this one require more of our treasure to support them, and I ask that you join me in prayer that the right solution to our communications needs would come to fruition.


End rant...

Stewardship is no fun to talk about, no fun to write about. But I believe we have an opportunity here to share our stories:

How has Unity Presbyterian Church blessed you this year?

How have you contributed to its ministries?

What is one way, in time, talent, or treasure, that you can give differently for the 2016-2017 school year?

Some links...



Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Enduring Love: baseball, faith, and marathon running



This past week, my husband and I traveled to Pittsburgh to watch the Pittsburgh Pirates take on the St. Louis Cardinals for the home opener. I got these tickets as a gift for Alex for Christmas, and let me tell you it wasn't easy to get them. I had to be ready right at 9:00am when they went on sale (otherwise, they sell out within 5 minutes), and at 8:55, I tripped over the cat which caused me to split my pants and drop my credit card behind the couch. After some frantic gymnastics moves, I extracted the credit card and pulled up the website with 45 seconds to go, only to realize that our WiFi had picked 8:59 as a great time for maintenance and shut itself off.


For some {maybe most} of you, this chaos wouldn't be worth it. After all, one could just watch the opener on TV with the MLB app. That would not require us to drive 7 hours or sit in 45 degree temperatures. I mean why go to all of that trouble?

Devotion

My husband has a special kind of devotion to the Pittsburgh Pirates. In case you did not know, the Pirates went 21 seasons with a losing record, some seasons of which we even lost 100+ games. For most of my late childhood through early adulthood, the Pirates were sort of an ugly blemish on a city that produced super-stars like Sydney Crosby, Mario Lemieux, Jerome Bettis, and Hines Ward. People attended Pirate games because the food was always good; at PNC Park we have giant Pierogie mascots that have a race during the 5th inning, and that brought more entertainment than the baseball game. (You can learn about pierogie races here). In crowds after hockey or football games, my dad would yell "Let's go Bucs!" and the crowd would respond with uproarious laughter. No one expected the Pirates to do anything worthwhile. I can remember how disappointing it was to go to Pirate games. You see, I had really loved the Pirates when I was growing up; I have memories of getting Jay Bell baseball card with my bubble gum, and cheering for Barry Bonds {before he started juicing}. It was 20 years of pain and shame, and the big beautiful park in the North Shore was to be avoided at all costs.
Alex and I began dating at the tail end of the 20th losing season. The first 6 months of our relationship were in winter, and he would spend hours reading about prospects and digging for spring training information. Any chance he would get, he would tell you about how this was going to be a different year. The baseball season is 162 games long, and he watched every single one of them. We didn't end up having a winning season that year, but it was much closer, and there were games that were actually fun to watch. In early September, we knew that the season would not be continuing into October, and by mid-September, the losing streak had continued. Still Alex would chorus on: "Next year, we'll be better." "One game at a time." "It's a long season."
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
-Donald Miller
It was Alex's loyal, unfailing love for Pirates baseball that first made me fall in love with him. As I watched him experience the highs and the lows of the season, daring to hope for a brighter future, unaffected by the scoffs of doubters and laughs of cynics, I thought to myself: if this man can love a baseball team with this kind of devotion and steadfastness, surely any woman he loves is in for the same kind of treatment. I'd like to be that woman.

The wind-up; the stretch

Of course, the Pittsburgh Pirates are much easier to follow now. They've made an appearance in the postseason 3 years in a row, last year claiming the 2nd best record in all of baseball. We sat in the 45 degree weather to watch a solid victory, rather than an embarrassing display, on opening day. Still, the baseball season is 162 games long, and nobody wins all of them. The game of baseball stretches and yawns; it often plays out in quiet chess matches between pitchers, rather than the high-speed sprints of hockey or the constant gusto of football. As we enter baseball season, we enter into ritual and habit, simple behaviors that enact our devotion to the sport and our team.
It strikes me that this is so similar to our devotion and loyalty to our faith and our church. Faith life is so different from our most popular American sports in some ways: it is not necessarily about the buzzer-beaters that get your heart pumping {curse you, Villa Nova}; sometimes we wait our whole lives for that dynamite slap-shot or that Cam-Newton perfectly placed pass to the end-zone. Our faith isn't like the 16 game NFL season or the three weeks of March Madness. Our faith stretches before us like a long marathon, like the long baseball season. Long sports require rhythm, stamina, and stability. They require us to think about them for a long period of time rather than just in short sprints.

April Showers, May Flowers, Summer Sunshine

Beginning sometime around now, life begins to feel like a waterslide headed straight for summer. There are hundreds upon hundreds of activities and opportunities for us to engage in as the days get longer and the temperature gets warmer, and our starry eyes are drawn to the things that get our blood pumping, to the fleeting jewels. And this is a natural part of the changing ebb of the year. My husband will tune into the Stanley Cup Playoffs in a few weeks, and we will travel and do other things, but he will always come back to the Pirates. He will look up their scores every day, and read the sports columns every morning. He will always come back to his first, true love: the Pittsburgh Pirates.
This month, we are focused on stewardship: on the sharing of our Time, Talents, and Treasures with Unity Presbyterian Church. At the end of this month, we will make a commitment to how much and what type of time, talents, and treasures we will be sharing. I think this is an appropriate time for us to think about how we commit ourselves to our routine devotion to this place we love and to the God we serve. How will you display your commitment to this congregation and your devotion to our God through your time, talents, and treasures in the coming 2016-2017 school year?
The Psalms are full occasions where the writers talk of God's "steadfast love." This phrase is the translation of "hesed" in Hebrew, which means really, an unyielding devotion, a perfect faithfulness. Psalm 59 says,
But I will sing of your might;
 I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.
For you have been a fortress for me
and a refuge in the day of my distress.
O my strength, I will sing praises to you,
for you, O God, are my fortress,
the God who shows me steadfast love.
When I think of God's steadfast love, I think of the rock at Fort Mill Elementary School that has seen thousands of coats of paint, and yet displays the positive love and compassion of our community. I think of friends and mentors who have been a constant presence through trials and joys in my life. I think of my husband watching 162 baseball games a year for 21 years, more than half of which were losses, but loving the Pirates franchise all the same.
When you think of God's steadfast love, what images come to your mind?
How will you respond to God's steadfast love with your own devotion and praise?

Some extra resources