Canceled: Does Jesus Take A Snow Day?

Growing up in the north, we live for snow days. There was simply nothing to compare with sitting on the couch groggily watching the morning news starting at 5:30 am inspecting the cancellation scroll at the bottom of the screen, hoping beyond hope that your school district would appear. My husband and I even recall our unnecessary hatred of the Norwin School District that came alphabetically after North Hills School District; if Norwin came on before the rush of bliss caused by our own cancellation, we knew we had to trudge to school.

Of course cancellations are much more rare in the north, but I vividly remember the blizzard of 1993. I was in second grade, and we missed an entire week of school. Even my dad, who would give up sleep to do his work if he could, was home all week with us. I remember shoveling and building snowmen with my dad. I remember him reaching out my bedroom window and pulling a 2-foot-long icicle off the eave of the roof, and handing it to me like a popsicle (much to my mother's dissatisfaction). I can remember a time in 8th grade when the snow knocked out our power, and we had s'mores in our fireplace for lunch, and we played endless card-games by candlelight. As a child, snow days were the height of excitement; as an adult, I welcome the rest and lack of expectation for that day. Northerners we may be, but my husband and I enjoyed the heck out of our snowed-in weekend, cooking home-cooked meals, binge-watching Netflix, and playing with our dear kitten, George Hairyson. Sometimes life just needs an interruption, a snow-day, a rest.

I can never remember church being canceled as a child, but then again, I likely wouldn't have known. My family lived a few miles away from the church, and would probably have elected not to attend long before the call was made. In college, I worked at a church in the "snow belt" 45 minutes south of Erie, PA. A foot of snow might come, but most people walked to church; I can't imagine that worship was ever canceled due to snow. In the past few years, churches I've worked at have canceled more often than I remember. At first, I found this startling: it seems to me that even if one person shows up to worship God, they ought to have the opportunity to do so. Since then, I have learned that people will go to great lengths, putting themselves at great risk to come to worship, and it would break my heart to hear that those folks were injured or worse in their attempt to make it to the church. And after all, people can worship in their homes, in their hearts, in their cars, anywhere, really. 

Cancellation is Biblical

Of course, I don't believe there are any major snow storms in the Bible, but there are certainly a lot of cancellations. It seems, actually, that God gets our attention in this play and dance of cancellations and alterations to our schedules.

In Genesis, we meet Abram and Sarai. God approaches them in Genesis 12, and says:

Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.

I will make you a great nation,

and I will bless you;

I will make your name great,

and you will be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you,

and whoever curses you I will curse;

and all the peoples of the earth

will be blessed through you.

God changes their names to Abraham and Sarah and tells them that their descendants will be as numerous as the stars. 

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And then...Sarah becomes barren. She can't have children; she can't get pregnant. Cancellation.

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Scroll forward to Exodus. The Israelites are enslaved in Egypt, and God comes to Moses to enact his deliverance. He says,

Therefore, say to the Israelites, 'I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.

And so, God performs astounding acts through the plagues of Egypt. And the Israelites flee and are freed...

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...freed to wander about the desert for 40 years. Moses himself dies before getting to enter the Promised Land spoken of by God. Cancellation.

****

Fast forward: King David decides that he would like to be the one to build the Temple for God in Jerusalem. It was, he felt, the only right and proper thing to do, to give God a real home in the capital city. The plans seemed sure; the prophets thought that God would be pleased.

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But God's response was not exactly what David had hoped for:

Are you the one to build me a house to dwell in? I have not dwelt in a house from the day I brought the Israelites up out of Egypt to this day. I have been moving from place to place with a tent as my dwelling. Wherever I have moved with all the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their rulers whom I commanded to shepherd my people Israel, 'Why have you not built me a house of cedar?'

In other words, No. Absolutely not. No temple for you. Cancellation.

****

God called the prophet Jonah to go to the people of Ninevah, who were notoriously ungodly. Jonah didn't like this task very much...

But Jonah ran away from the Lord, and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.

Of course we know that God interfered with Jonah's brilliant plans in the form of a storm, a fish, an eating, and later a vomiting onto the shores of Ninevah.

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Jonah never made it to Tarshish. He wasn't able to escape the call of God. Cancellation.

****

There was a young woman named Mary. She had dreams of happiness in her arranged marriage to Joseph, dreams of a nice household, dreams of children and prosperity, dreams of faithfulness and love between her and her husband. She wanted a normal, successful life.

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But then the Angel Gabriel appeared to tell her she was pregnant with the Son of God. Pregnant before marriage. Pregnant with a religious and political conqueror. Cancellation.

****

Jesus has been preaching and teaching and healing. There is a crowd of more than 5,000 people gathered to hear him, and it is nearing dinnertime. The disciples are ready to call it a day and retire to someone's home for a private meal together with Jesus. They tell him to turn the people away.

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But Jesus cancels his evening plans to dine with the crowds. Jesus takes 5 loaves and 2 fishes and makes a feast for thousands. Cancellation.

****

Jesus leads Peter, James, and John up onto a mountaintop. There he is tranfigured; Moses and Elijah appear. The disciples are utterly dumbfounded, astounded, taken aback. Stumbling over his words, Peter offers politely to build a shelter for each of them so that they might stay on that mountaintop forever.

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But Moses and Elijah disappear, and Jesus beckons the disciples back down the mountain. Jesus invites no tarrying and asks for no shelter to be built. Peter, James, and John are left bewildered. Cancellation.

Cancellations...Transformations

There are dozens more cancellations made by God throughout Scripture. When we look at these side-by-side, we know that God's cancellations are rarely final. We see that God's cancellations prepare the people for something greater: the miracle birth of Isaac, the building of Temple by Solomon, the birth of Jesus Christ, the glorious feast for thousands. God cancels human plans so that God might reveal some greater purpose or different plan. Often, we read these stories knowing the ending; we rarely stop to think about the disbelief of Sarah, the fear of Mary, the disappointment of David, or the confusion of Peter. Without knowing God's plan, these cancellations must have felt disruptive, terrifying, and even bewildering. Why on earth would God cancel what is logical? Why on earth would God change what seems to be working so well?

Of course, God still does this today. A year ago, I received an email from a stranger named Amanda Masters asking me to interview for a youth director position at a church in South Carolina. I was happily employed at a church in Pittsburgh, recently engaged, enjoying the surrounding attention of friends and family; I politely responded with, "No thank you, I am only interested in ordained positions at this time." 

Almost immediately, I received a response from Amanda: "What if we could ordain you?"

From there, God canceled my plans of remaining in the church I loved; God canceled the plans Alex and I were making of living in the trendy Lawrenceville area of Pittsburgh; God canceled the comfort and joy we experienced living in a city we loved surrounded by friends and family. God canceled because God had a plan for us to come here. For personal and professional reasons, I have never been more sure that God canceled because God knew better what we needed and where we were called. A little over 5 months into the call, I am incredibly grateful for God's cancellations.

But of course, these cancellations don't always come in the form of career-changing, life-altering, 500-miles-away, changes. Sometimes, a simple snow day can be an act of God. As we scrubbed our apartment and watched TV, it was a great blessing to spend quiet, restful time with my hubby. I was grateful to God for the chance to simply be present with those I love, including a long phone conversation with my Mimi {grandma}.

What have this weekend's cancellations done for you?

What opportunities has God afforded for you as you huddled up for the weekend wherever you were snowed in? 

What did you experience that you might have missed if it weren't for the disruptive weather?

God really is canceling our plans left and right; God interferes with our lives so that we might see glimpses of his glory in our midst. I pray that you too experienced and continue to experience that glory through cancellation and interruption.

Repetition and Routine: God's gracious blessings on a tired pastor

As my alarm sounded at 7:30 am yesterday morning, I was face down on couch cushions in the middle of Fellowship Hall after about 1 hour and 45 minutes of sleep. It sort of felt like someone had exchanged my insides for concrete. Rising from my position required a herculean effort on my part. As I changed my clothes and directed the students on cleaning up their messes, my brain kept repeating the same desperate phrase:

you just need to make it until 1:00

you just need to make it until 1:00

At one o'clock, I could head home and curl up on the couch and nap. I've never been great at losing sleep, and the older I get, the less able I am to function on less than 5 hours of sleep. I plopped down with the students in worship at 8:45 feeling lethargic, groggy, and fogged. I felt conscious that I had brought sleepy teenagers to worship who might not really get anything out of the service, who might be too tired to really take in something new from the sermon.

If it feels this bad, why on earth do you do it?

Theories among youth directors on Lock-Ins vary greatly. Some folks structure activities from the moment students arrive until the moment students go home, leaving no room for sleep. Some folks have kids in bed by 11 pm. Some see the purpose of Lock-Ins as a time for retreat and prayer; some see the purpose as a bonding experience; still others see it as a way of making the church a safe place. Adults simply dread Lock-Ins. Whether you go to bed at 11 pm or 5 am, if you're an adult, you're not getting a ton of sleep curled up in a sleeping bag on the cold floor of your church. It's not easy, and some churches simply don't do it anymore.

And yet we here at Unity do it. We do it because these are the memories that students will take with them for a lifetime (I still have fond memories and stories of Lock-Ins when I was in high school). We do it because in the middle of the night when you're setting up camp in a church, subsisting off of pizza, mountain dew, oreos, and potato chips, there's some strange bond that occurs within the youth group that truly cannot be created anywhere else. We do it because when students sleep over at our church, suddenly this sterile, cold building becomes a second home, filled with familiarity and comfort.

I subscribe to a lot of  theories, and I have particular tricks to help make a Lock-In not the worst thing in the world. Here are my top 5:

#5: Lock-In's should be approximately 14 hours in length.

I've seen and been a part of churches that had Lock-In's for 24 hours, with activities all night and all day. I can't sign up for this insanity, and I can't expect my volunteers to sign up for it either. I think a Lock-In should be about 14 hours, from 6:00pm to 8:00am, usually. This is just about the maximum I can ask of adults, and it also results in the minimal amount of body odor, which trust me, can be a major issue. Also, whether your students sleep or not, they will be cranky by lunchtime on day 2. They will be irrational and any positive experiences you want them to have will be obstructed by the overwhelming blanket of grouch that will inevitably envelop them. You don't want that because it creates negative associations with the church, and it inhibits any spiritual teaching you were trying to do.

#4: The amount of sleep should be appropriate to the age group.

And the situation. What you want is a positive memorable experience for the group. This means you never want them to get to the point of tiredness when they are cranky while they are in the church (see #5). So, if the Lock-In precedes another event, we sleep. If we're kicking their butts out at 9am before they can get sufficiently irritable, we do not sleep. Middle schoolers always get some sleep; high schoolers want the rush of staying up. 

#3:  Minimize the mess; do a thorough job of cleaning up.

After about 1:00am at a Lock-In, I consolidate all activities to one room or one level of the church. This helps to wind down the energy in the room (so that even if you have to be awake at 5:00 am, at least you can be dozing or staring at a wall instead of running around playing zombie apocalypse for the 500th time). In the morning, I have them clean up the space very thoroughly. This gets them moving keeping them from the crankiness, and it helps to prove to the people who clean and use the church building who are over the age of 30 that we can do fun things but still respect the building and the community.

#2: Literally, clear your schedule for the next 3 days.

While I can force myself to stay awake all night with  a constant flow of coffee and mountain dew, it takes me several days to get back into a normal sleeping and waking pattern again. It's like my body is filled with lead. As I left the house on Sunday afternoon to come back to the church for Middle School Youth Group, I stood for a few minutes pressing the "lock" button on my Toyota key while staring at my apartment door, wondering why it wasn't beeping to let me know it was locked. After about 30 seconds of this, I realized I needed to lock the door with the key to the apartment. These types of mental mishaps are commonplace post-Lock-In. 

#1: Acceptance

Fact is, I know this is gonna hurt real bad for me, but it's going to be amazing for my students. When I was a senior, I painted the toenails of one of the guys while he slept at a Lock-In, only to wake up the next morning to a sharpie mustache drawn across my face. To this day, I laugh about that time, and the culprit of the face art who lives in California also laughs, remembering how embarrassing it was for him to ask his sister to get the nail-polish off his toes. I'll never forget one night when it snowed in Pittsburgh and we were literally snowed in; we made snow angels and snowmen, and the entire night was impromptu fun. I'll never forget spending time in silence, reading scripture and praising God at 1:00 am at a Lock-In. No matter how tired I am for the next several days, it's worth it. No matter how off my diet I become because of the constant flow of Mountain Dew, it's worth it. No matter how difficult it is to nail down adults for the event, it's worth it. These are the types of events that kids are going to remember and which will keep them coming back for years to come. It is this type of event that leaves a lasting legacy and builds a lasting community.

So back to worship...

It was after the sermon, and I was feeling sheepishly guilty. I had tried with all my might to keep my eyes open and pay attention to the sermon, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I had missed some things. I also know that there's almost nothing worse as a preacher to look out at closed eyes and glazed looks, knowing that regardless of what you say, your words are whispering winds this morning. After the sermon, we stood to recite the Apostles Creed. I began to utter the words without looking at my bulletin, and I found that the rhythmic repetition was soothing. There was something about repeating this creed, and later about repeating the Lord's Prayer, and even singing the Doxology, that struck me on a primal level. Even as tired and empty as I was on Sunday morning, these repetitive actions that we do each week grounded me in worship. Perhaps the sermon and prayers had a smaller effect on me than they normally would have; perhaps I struggled to keep my eyes open; perhaps I felt a sense of melancholy as I would have rather been in bed. But somehow through repetition and tradition, worship was not lost on me.

When we recite our prayers, we join in the communion of saints, all the believers who came before us and all who come after us. Knowing that Christians have been reciting the Apostle's Creed since at least 400 AD. That's more that 1,600 years of people saying these words, in many languages, in many nations, in many towns and cities and buildings and communities. If the creed were only recited once per week from 400 AD until now, it would have been recited roughly 84,032 times. As I stand to recite that prayer on Sunday morning, I don't need my own strength or creativity, I don't even need to be fully awake. Rather, as my hungry, worn out spirit stands to praise God, I can rely on the 1600 years of saints reciting the creed more than 84, 032 times to carry my burden, to carry me to the cross, to carry me to Christ.

I am reminded of the paralyzed man. 

3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them.4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven."

Mark 2.3-5

When we come to the well, but we are so dry we can't even lift our heads to take a drink, the family of God pours the water in our mouths. When we come to our God, but we cannot pull ourselves into the door, the family of God carries us in. When we come to God, but the world is too crowded for us to come in, the family of God makes a hole in the ceiling and lays us down at the feet of our Lord. This is the joy and beauty of traditional worship: we are always connected to the larger church, to the saints who came before us and who will come after us, to the great cloud of witnesses who hold us up when we cannot do it ourselves. When we come to worship and we are riding the struggle bus, I pray that we might allow the traditions and repetitions of our worship to meet us in our most raw and rugged selves, that we might be lifted up into the graceful presence of Jesus Christ.

Some resources:

Rachel Held Evans on Millenials and tradition

Some info on the Communion of Saints

A Spirit of Unity

Sunday was a really long day for me. I started my day at 6:00am as I made breakfast and watched Frozen with our friends' children who stayed with us for the weekend. We munched on cereal and played with George Hairyson, the new kitten who has found his forever home with Alex and me. I then came to the church for Child of the Covenant Sunday. We celebrated at both services the more than 93 baptisms that have occurred in the past 5 years at Unity, and we reaffirmed all of our baptisms by passing around small bowls of water. I also preached my first sermon as Rev.

 

 

 

After worship, it was straight into Pasta Night preparations, the fundraiser put on by our high school youth. There we served more than 200 meals, and students shared a skit and testimonies of their own faith journeys. It went smoothly, and wonderfully, bringing in over $2500 for our high school summer trips.

 

 

From there, I came home, read a story, put the kiddos to bed, and sat down with my hubby with our freshly filled ballots to enjoy the Golden Globe Awards (each year, we place a fill out a ballot for the Golden Globes and the Oscars. The one with fewer correct answers pays for the next date night...I won for the first time this weekend.). Lots of people were looking forward to Ricky Gervais as host due to his crass and unapologetic humor, and normally I enjoy the banter that celebrities toss at one another throughout an event such as this. However, I found myself rather disappointed with Mr. Gervais. The comedy was simple and trivial, poking fun at minorities, old age, and differences in a way that was not intelligent or humorous. Instead, he kind of came off as a bully who did not prepare for his job. Very disappointing.

 

 

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Division and Discord

The Golden Globes served for me as a reminder of just exactly how tragic the society we live in can be right now. We live in a polarizing time. When Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are the front-runners for the next presidency, both of whom seem to only have one turn-signal working in their car, we know that people passionately sit on one side of the wall or the other, and there is no interaction between the sides. The jokes floated by the Golden Globes poked fun at people because of their differences: Mel Gibson for bigoted ways that he spoke years ago, Kevin Hart for being short, Eddie Redmayne for playing a woman, Caitlyn Jenner for being transgender...and the list goes on and on. Differences, errors, insecurities, and disabilities: jokes made to make us feel different from one another, to make one way feel superior than others. It's difficult to feel "American" anymore because...well, there doesn't seem to be one meaning for that word.

 

This permeates our churches as well. A few weeks ago, I asked some of our high school youth if they feel comfortable living out their faith in their everyday lives. The response was that they didn't want to be like the "Baptists" who are always asking people if they've been saved; but they also didn't want to be like the "Young Life" kids who go to Young Life but party on the weekends. They didn't really fall into either extreme, so it was difficult to find a place. When I was interviewing for positions at churches prior to this one, I was asked my opinions on controversial issues, like homosexuality and racism, before I was asked anything about my qualifications at some interviews. It was refreshing to make it through 3 interviews here at Unity before I was asked informally my opinions on some of these issues in a way that invited conversation.

 

Something tells me that the Kingdom of Heaven won't be one-sided or argumentative. Something tells me this polarization isn't something that God desires for us.

 

We can do better...we ARE DOING better.

I was immensely grateful as I laid my head down on Sunday evening, not only because I could finally get a little bit of sleep, but because I didn't have to take Ricky Gervais at his word. Although I ended my day with a show that highlighted difference and discord, I spent a day watching unity take place.

 

In worship, we celebrated baptism and in-so doing, we celebrated our adoption into the family of God, into the family here at Unity. It was heart-warming to watch children, youth, families, older people, people with disabilities, conservatives, liberals, people of different races and ethnic backgrounds - all God's people were celebrating their unity to one another in spite of difference. All God's people brought together by the Holy Spirit because of their differences and the ways that those differences make us stronger.

 

At Pasta Night, one older couple in their 80s walked in, and spent about 10 minutes chatting to the group of high school youth checking off reservations at the door. They laughed loudly and inquired about each other's families. It was beautiful to behold. Throughout the room, multiple generations of people gathered and interacted joyfully with one another, treating each other with kindness and respect, in spite of obviously life differences.

 

This, my friends, is the Spirit of unity -the Holy Spirit at work to bring people together-, and indeed the spirit of Unity - an essential characteristic that makes Unity Presbyterian Church unique and special. I love this about us, and I look forward to witnessing this Spirit more and more.

 

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27.13-14

 

 

 



 

New Resolutions, Old Commitments: Giving Teens The Tools to Experience Church

As winter break comes to a close and 2016 opens a new chapter, we find ourselves falling back into routines and patterns. We carefully plot out our calendars for school and work and recreation. We begin planning trips and vacations. And inevitably, we resolve to attend church more often, to get back into the swing of things at Unity. In the 4+ months that I have been here at Unity, it seems I have a weekly conversation that goes something like this:

 

"My teen does not want to come to worship. He finds it boring and I have to fight with him to go. What can I do?"

 

"My teenager would rather sleep in than go to church. I worry that she isn't taking it seriously. What can I do?"

 

"When I take my kids to church, they will do anything to avoid paying attention. They are doodling and writing notes and they go to the bathroom 6 times. I don't know what to do."

 

"My teenager says that other kids go to a church where they can wear jeans and hear guitar music. I am having trouble coming up with excuses as to why we can't go to that church."

 

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Well, friends, this post is for you. My prayer is that together, we can find a way to make worship a family-oriented activity and one that all generations find meaning in. Here are my top 5 tips for giving teenagers the tools to experience church.

 

#1: Use the Force like a Jedi, not a Sith

There are lots of blogs and articles online about whether or not it is a good idea to force your children and teenagers to attend worship; you can probably go right or wrong in both choices. I personally was given the choice to opt out of church beginning in 7th grade, and I ended up coming back by my own choice as a junior in high school. My husband was required to attend church with his family. We both have pursued our faith as adults and have strong love for the church.

 

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I would say two things about the Force. First, we live in a world where children and youth have a tremendous amount of autonomy, perhaps more than ever in history. Through technology, children and youth have more decision-making power than certainly I did as a child, and I'm sure you as well. If I wanted to talk with a friend on the phone, I had to use the family phone; it was very difficult to talk to people without my family knowing. I certainly didn't have my own camera, let alone the ability to post photos of myself or others onto the internet (come to think of it, the internet was still dial-up when I was in high school). This poses a problem to the family system because we have to learn how to have autonomous minors living under the same roof. It can be difficult to force kids to do things when they feel more independent than perhaps we'd even like them to be. Part of the reason some teens struggle with church is simply the fact that it was not their choice in the first place. For what it's worth, I still think it's important for teenagers to do things that they didn't select because it teaches us lessons about always getting what we want; there is certainly merit in establishing boundaries and concretely saying that church is a family-mandatory activity.

 

At the same time, we must recognize that part of teenage development is teaching them what it means to long for spiritual development. This means that we give kids the tools to choose church for themselves rather than giving them the answers. A great example of this occurred in Confirmation Class recently. I did a lesson on "predestination" or the belief that God has elected people for salvation before the dawn of creation and elected others for damnation. Some Presbyterians believe that there are only a few of us who are saved and many who are not; other Presbyterians believe that all people are saved. Both are legitimate Presbyterian beliefs. As we discussed this, some of the class sided one way or the other while others wanted to think about it more. In faith, I can't tell them which way is correct, but I can give them the tools to decide for themselves. I believe we can encourage our teens to attend church with their families in such a way that gives them a voice and the ability to decide for themselves what they need, what they connect to, what they are missing, and what they want for themselves spiritually.

 

#2: Prioritizing the Weekend

One of the main reasons teens don't want to attend worship is the fact that they are jipped out of another day of sleeping in. They may even have other friends who are able to sleep until 10 or 11 on Sundays. I recently witnessed a debate among teens over who had slept in the latest (it was 6pm, guys...6pm). I often hear adults saying in so many ways that this is a lame excuse.

 

However, there is some truth to this complaint. The National Sleep Association indicates that teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep per night, and they often experience shifts in their sleeping patterns due to hormonal changes. It is somewhat natural for teens to want to stay up late and sleep in. (source)

 

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I can't speak for you and your family, but I can speak for my own at a young age. As a teenager, the priority for my weekends were as follows: 1. sleepovers 2. marching band competitions 3. family events 4. homework (on Sunday night at 9pm) and 5. Steelers football. And my family certainly never prioritized church either. We would have family events or marching band competitions or parties on Saturday nights until 11 or 12 at night, maybe later. Then to turn around and get up by 8:00am for church on Sunday morning became that much more difficult. Are we giving ourselves enough sleep in order to be fresh on Sunday mornings? Do we consider our worship pattern in order to determine our weekend activities? Or do we consider our weekend activities in order to determine our church participation? Certainly, there are weeks when life just simply gets in the way of attending worship, and we all understand that. But when we are trying to squeeze church into a jam-packed weekend, we might be setting ourselves up for failure when it comes to how our teens experience that service.

 

#3:  Identify the ACTUAL Problem

Teenagers have about a million and a half excuses for not wanting to go to church: I'm too tired, I don't understand it, my friends aren't there, it's lame. More than half of these reasons are covers for more underlying issues, and it's important for us to hear the complaints of teens and to try to find more ways of treating the problem rather than the symptom.

 

The issue might be completely unrelated to the actual worship service as well. Growing up, my dad would make pancakes and bacon every Sunday morning. It was our family breakfast. On one Sunday, I had eaten my breakfast after I'd put on my Sunday clothes and my Dad took me to Sunday School. When I arrived, kids in my class teased me for smelling like bacon. One kid even said, "Dude, you smell like a Burger King!" Not exactly what every 13 year old girl wants to hear. I begged my family not to send me back to Sunday School because I didn't want to be teased again, but I couldn't use the excuse of smelling like breakfast because I didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings, as he'd labored over breakfast. You might not be able to find the complete reason, and chances are your teenager might not even know why, but you have a better chance of fixing the problem if we can identify its roots.

 

#4: Boredom = Lack of Engagement

 

The most common reason for not wanting to attend church is that "church is boring." This is a difficult reason to combat for a couple of reasons: 1. It is likely a reason that covers up another reason. 2. It's extremely vague. 3. It's not something you can easily fix. 4. Admittedly, it might be something you experience yourself.

 

When a student is bored, it could mean many things, but it always means they are not engaged in the content of worship. If they find organ music boring, it does not automatically mean that Patsy had an off week or the hymns are 500 years old; it means that there is something missing in the communication between the organ music and the youth. Perhaps the lyrics of they hymn include words we don't use often anymore, like Ebenezer or fortress, and the teen doesn't know what this means. Perhaps the tune is unfamiliar and hard to follow.

 

We worship in a tradition that is hundreds of years old. In fact, if you open up John Calvin's Institutes written in the 1500s, and you look at the Order of Worship he established, you might be surprised to find that it is very similar to the bulletins of our most recent worship service. Without understanding, a 500 year old worship service can seem intimidating and inaccessible from a teenage brain. If this is a complaint you have heard from your teen, I encourage you to look at the worship service together and think through which parts you find boring and think about why. Do you find the sermon boring? Is it because the content is not applicable? Or is it because you struggle to pay attention? Do you dislike repetition? Is it because the repetition causes you to zone out? Or is it because you got it the first time and don't need to repeat it?

 

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Learning about why we do what we do and what we can gain out of each part of worship can help us to engage, even if it's not our cup of tea. For example, there are many hymns that I find boring because I've sung them approximately 3 million times. I have taken to singing the harmonies for these hymns instead of the melodies because it engages my brain and helps me think more about the lyrics than I had been previously. If it would be helpful for you all, I can put together Worship Worksheets to help students and families talk about the worship service together and figure out how to worship more effectively.

 

#5: Know that it's normal...

The bottom line is that is normal and actually developmentally POSITIVE for teenagers to question why it is they go to church. In fact, teenagers and young adults question all the parts of their lives to figure out why they do what they do. They experience things and decide what they value and what they do not. They try out new styles with their clothing and hair, effectively questioning which ones express who they are most effectively. We embrace these experiments and support them. It is the same with their faith: students need to be free to try things and talk things through, to process them and learn what feeds them and what doesn't, what they like and what they don't. Just because a kid doesn't want to go to worship on a Sunday morning in January 2016 doesn't mean that they are missing the message or will not return. Faith is a process, an honest and challenging process, that we are all struggling to figure out; teenagers are no exception.

 

 

My prayer this week is for a new revival to begin within families, that we might explore together in 2016 what it means for us to be church-goers, how we are fed spiritually, and what works for us and what does not.

 

Some resources...

 A blog from a Christian mom

 

A really honest and passionate blog from a mom

 

Anne Lammott: a pretty legit story