When I was in seminary, I was required to take classes about Pastoral Care. In those classes, there were many occasions where professors and fellow students said, "There is never a situation in ministry where it is appropriate for the pastor to be reduced to tears." This was a really challenging sentence for me because, well, I'm a big-time cryer.
I cry looking at pictures of my cousins growing up or of our friends' children smiling at their dads. I cry when I look at first-day-of-school pictures and see youth I've worked with all over growing up. I cry when those youth graduate from high school, and yes, I am old enough to cry when they get married. I cry when I see children bringing forth the offering and singing the doxology.
I cry at every wedding; I cried watching my best friend dance with her father when she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to dance again. I cry when I'm angry, frustrated, sad, or confused. I cried at a meeting when I felt I didn't do a good enough job leading Confirmation students. I cried every time I left a church to move on in God's call for my life. I cried when I held orphans in my arms in Mexico. I cried when I saw the devastation from Hurricane Katrina in Biloxi, Mississippi. I cried when I graduated from college, and when I got engaged to my husband. I cry at every death and every funeral, including pets; I even cry at a well-made iPhone commercial.
For most of my life, I have thought that crying made me weak. That it was something to be embarrassed of, or something I should hide, especially in ministry. Over the last year, I have learned to embrace the fact that I cry at everything for three reasons:
1. It's biblical. Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus in John 11, and he weeps with us today when we face grief, loss, and sadness.
2. I need to feel. God gave me the great capacity to feel so many emotions. For me, with my biological make-up for whatever reasons, to feel anything intensely means that I cry. I believe my tears are a way that I embrace life, faith, and relationships fully.
3. It's good for me. My dear friend, Ellen, says that tears are liquid Prozac, they make us feel better and we should cherish them. She's right: they always act as a release for me.
So here I am, a real big cry-baby, and I am no longer ashamed of it. In fact, I embrace it as one of my spiritual gifts in ministry. Here are 10 things I cried about this weekend:
#10: Children praying
On Sunday morning, most of you probably attended the 11:00 worship service to hear the Winthrop Chorale. Of course, I was also at the 8:45 service, where we had the great treat of listening to the Junior Choir. They were, of course, wonderful, but the part of the service that struck me was the Lord's Prayer. As I completed my prayer of the people and transitioned into the Lord's Prayer, I suddenly heard a loud chorus of the Junior Choir students confidently and loudly reciting the Lord's Prayer. I looked over to see eyes scrunched tight and hands folded, kids praying the Lord's Prayer seriously, with all their hearts.
Well, I teared up. I know I wasn't the only one. It was so beautiful! I kept thinking to myself, "I have no greater joy than this: to see my children walking in the light."
#9: Hearing the buzz about Unity
Every week, you may not realize it, but we have upwards of 50 visitors walking through our doors. That's more than some churches have on their entire rolls. This weekend, I had the chance to talk with many of our visitors who said, "People have told us that Unity's Youth Group is special" or "We've heard that Unity has really great worship" or "There's nothing going on in our community like what's going on at Unity Presbyterian Church." I see the Holy Spirit at work so often in my work here, but when the collective community starts talking about it, it just proves that it's the Holy Spirit at work. I know at times what we do at our church seems monotonous, like we do the same things each year or at each turn. Sometimes it can be difficult to take a step back and see what is really going on around here, and I encourage you, take a good look at our church because something special is going on here.
#8: Middle School Trip to Corn Maze
It might seem simple and maybe not even relevant that there were 35 middle school youth who attended the Corn Maze field trip on Sunday. They enjoyed face-painting, slushies, corn mazes, and hay rides. This might seem normal, and we are used to seeing these types of pictures:
But this isn't normal throughout the world. More often than not, the pictures of students ages 11-13 that we see in the media are kidnapped, runaways, abused, or troubled. When we see them on the news, it is because they have joined gangs or found drugs at an early age. Too often lately, we see these young teens in memoriam after an accidental death or suicide. As I looked around at our middle schoolers, unfettered by horrors, violence, and evil, I was overwhelmed (shockingly...to the point of tears) with gratitude that even with all of the challenges our teens face, they can find one afternoon of solace and unadulterated joy at a corn maze. Let's not forget what a gift that is.
#7: Bible Recommendations
As I prepared my lesson for Confirmation class on Sunday morning, I began to dread actually teaching the lesson. The topic was "Why are there so many versions of the Bible?" and I had excitedly prepared a lesson that would have made my old college religion professor, Dr. Na, very very proud. I organized passages to look at in various versions and I copied pages from my Greek and Hebrew texts for them to look at. I thought to myself, dear Lord, no kid is going to be interested in this.
And as I began class and looked at their sleepy eyes, I was sure that I would be right. At the end of class, I asked if anyone had any questions. One student raised her hand and asked, "What recommendations would you have for us if we are looking to purchase our own bible?" As she said this, many heads perked up and hands even grabbed writing utensils to scribble down some information. Once I scraped my chin off the floor, I responded by encouraging them to go to www.biblegateway.com and to begin reading texts in different versions and decide which version you feel most comfortable with (which I recommend to everyone).
I've been doing youth ministry for 10 years. I've had some amazing kids who probably wondered about buying a new bible for themselves; I've had wonderful parents who did lengthy research to find a bible that worked best for their children. Never, ever, have I heard a child ask me in a class what recommendations I had for Bibles. In fact, most of my advice as a youth pastor is unsolicited, but I hope it falls on hungry ears. And again, I found myself taking a pit stop to the bathroom on the way to worship to blot my eyes as I said a prayer of thanks for this wonderful pursuit of faith.
#6: Illness, Injury, and Struggle
I say all of these previous ones with the caveat that we do not have perfect children in our church who never face adversity, challenge, or despair. In fact, there is a whole heck of a lot of hurt in our community; it is simply the way our youth are choosing to manage and handle that hurt that makes them special.
This week, I learned that we have several kids who are suffering from concussions or injuries. We have lots of kids home with pneumonia, strep throat, and yes, the dreaded stomach flu. We have kids who failed auditions or struggle with grades, who have commitments from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed, who worry about getting into college before they've even gone to middle school. We have parents pulling all-nighters to pick their kids up from band or make sure homework gets done or observe through a tough fever.
There are so many challenges, it is hard to keep up with them all. I do however, hold these in my prayers. Sometimes, I hold these in my prayers through tears, each tear a prayer lifted over to God. I hate that kids have to suffer, but as much as I'd love to keep it from happening if I could, I know that "suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." (Romans 5.3-5)
Know always that you are loved,
you are covered in prayer,
and you are empowered by the living God.
#5: Advent Devotions
Our Middle School Youth had the opportunity to write Advent Devotions that will be included in this year's Advent Devotion booklet for Unity Presbyterian Church. Each daily entry has been written by a member of our church, and some of them were written by the youth.
Sometimes, we set our expectations for spiritual understanding extremely low when we are talking to or about youth. Whether we think their brains have not fully developed yet or they lack life experience or they simply don't have a voice at the table because of their age, we tend to think that our youth should be protected from difficult concepts and encouraged in simple, concrete understandings of scripture. This is a fallacy that even I admit I can fall into. Our youth are deep, challenging, intelligent biblical thinkers. As I read through these devotions, I thought to myself, "This one sounds a lot like the church father Augustine" or "Gee, John Calvin would be proud." I am looking forward to each of you getting the chance to read these and the devotions written by many others during the Advent season (beginning November 27). The booklet will be available online each day on our website and the Facebook page, and some paper copies will be available in the Narthex beginning November 20.
#4: Youth Room Painting
Years ago, I offered to lead a youth group in repainting the youth room. The kids came in 3 days to do the bulk of the painting; I came in every day for lots of hours for 2 months putting in all the tiny details and making it look nice. As I brushed my roller over the final piece of wall, I thought to myself: "I am literally never doing this again, I don't care how ugly the walls of a youth room are."
So when the high school youth in Sunday School brought up to their teachers that they wanted to repaint the youth room, I firmly said that if they wanted to do it, they needed to do it themselves. On Sunday, they trooped in and busted out a lot of painting skills in that room. Maybe it would have looked better if a professional had come in, but the fact is: that room belongs to them. Every drop of paint on the floor, every visible stroke on the wall, every color, every stain, every inch. It is a place in which they are safe and comforted, a place they take ownership of, and a place they have made safe and special for youth in generations to come. After I checked in on them on Sunday, I of course got a bit teary as my heart filled with gratitude at their initiative, leadership, and sense of inclusion in the church.
#3: Confirmation Retreat
This week I had the great privilege of spending 24 hours at Bethelwoods Camp and Conference Center with our 8th graders as we explored the "Radical Pursuit of God" in the beginning stages of our faith journey. We made spiritual smashbooks to talk about who we are and where we are gifted; we did team challenges to learn about how as a church, we work together; we spent time in silent prayer and reflection about our individual spiritual journeys.
Every year, I say, "This is the best Confirmation class ever!" and I legitimately mean it, because I just love Confirmation so much. There is nothing that gives my heart greater joy than to watch our youth figuring out exactly what faith means to them individually. The future of the church is in the hands of these wonderful teenagers, and I have every confidence that the church will survive to do great things in their capable hands.
#2: Winthrop Chorale
If you were in worship on Sunday, no commentary is necessary for this.
If you were not in worship on Sunday, make sure you don't miss the Winthrop Chorale next time. The worship was astounding and spirit-shaking.
And #1: My Messy Office and other signs
If you have been to my office recently, you are aware that it looks like a storage facility that had a tornado shoot through it. Every day, I have to wade through boxes and piles of books and papers and pool noodles and posterboards and dead weeds and glue sticks and balls of yarn... It makes me anxious even right now as I looke around seeing lessons from months and months ago, still waiting for me to find a new home for them. Certainly, I could cry over how much of a mess it is. But I also cry because it is so used. The complete messiness of my office is a reminder to me that we are doing real ministry, a real work in the Kingdom of God. We are meeting unique needs in our community, we are loving kids in new and special ways, and we are creating this safe space for them to thrive and experience God's love. While I'd love to have a clean office, I'd much rather be writing this blog sitting in a pig sty than have no ministry to account for. We are busy. We are full. And I for one am very proud of the special work we are doing with the teens of our community.
What makes you cry in ministry? What do you reach out to experience with all of your emotions?
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