In my first job in youth ministry, I was a Christian Educator, servant of over 400 children, youth, and young adults, from cradle to college graduation. Each Wednesday, I would lead the elementary aged children in lessons of singing, dance, and sign language as a part of an after-school program. I had arranged for the tiniest Kindergarten group to sing and do sign language in worship to the song Glorify Thy Name. They arrived on Sunday morning early to rehearse the song, and I was a proud, dreamy eyed young lady thinking of how adorable these little cherubs would be as they sang in front of the congregation.
It was then that my bubble was burst. As the children moved their hands in prayer, I heard distinctly one little boy in the front row sing,
"Glorify MY name in all the earth!!!"
Actual footage of my face when I heard this:
Surely, it's just one child. Surely, it was just a mistake or a jest. I immediately stopped the choir and said, "Now, let's make sure we are saying THY name."
"Yes, ma'am. My name."
"NO! Thy, your, T-H-Y..."
"Yes, this is a song about how we can do anything if we put our mind to it."
And so it went. And yes, in front of the whole congregation, a group of 20 Kindergarten children sang about glorifying their own names in all the earth.
I felt mortified. Not only had I failed to teach kids the right words, but somehow they had even understood the meaning of the song entirely wrong. I felt as though I had failed, even if it was somewhat humorous.
King Harold and the Wise Men
Recently, I was listening to a group of Middle Schoolers read from the Bible. One boy read out loud about the story of the wise men going to see King Herod...only he read "King Harold." Not just once, but every time his name appeared in the text. I had to hide my face the sleeve of my shirt to stifle a cough/laugh because all I could think of was King Harold from the Shrek movies:
And so of course, I worried whether I should correct him and bring upon him embarrassment from his classmates. What was the importance of him getting King Herod's name right?
What is our job?
I think sometimes as youth leaders, as pastors, as elders and deacons, as Sunday School teachers, we feel a deep longing, or even an agitating anxiety to ensure that our children and youth "get it right." I'll admit: one of my proudest moments as a youth director was when one of my confirmation students told his high school history teacher that he preferred Karl Barth's understanding of predestination to John Calvin's and that the history book they were using was incorrect. We hope that our children memorize the precise order of the books of the Bible and the exact wording of their memory verses. Our eyes fill with tears as we watch children sing and recite songs of praise to God. I am reminded of a great verse:
I have no greater joy than this: to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
3 John 1.4
So...what exactly does that mean? Does that mean that when kids sing about glorifying my name or read about King Harold that we have in some way failed? What does this mean for our teenagers?
If I think that my goal is to have each student make a perfect set of decisions throughout his/her life, I find that to be an overwhelming task. This means that as youth leader, I need to be aware of every scenario that could possibly tempt or challenge our youth, and I need to decide based on scripture what the perfect, right answer is for each student. When kids are 6 years old and the decisions are should I cheat on a test or punch my brother, the answers are simple. When kids are 13 and their decisions include how do I behave with a person I'm in love with and how do I show love to two friends who hate each other or how do I behave on social media, the answers are far less clear. Furthermore, the youth of today face challenges I couldn't have dreamed of. I am only 15 years older than our high school freshmen, but I grew up in a time when families had one computer in the house connected to dial up internet. In fact, I was a freshman when my family finally obtained one. I grew up in a time when cell phones were rare and social media was a foreign concept. While I remember with vivid detail what it felt like to be 15 years old, I never faced decisions about what is appropriate to put on Snap Chat or even texting a crush in the middle of the night (if you wanted to talk to me, you had to call my house and talk to a family member first...).
Not to mention, there were some topics that I faced as I graduated from high school and went to the wide, independent world of college that my youth leaders never prepared me for. They couldn't have known. I felt unprepared to make decisions about how I spent my time on the weekends, how I developed relationships with friends and infatuations, and how I dealt with people with whom I disagreed. And some of the mistakes that I made taught me more about the person I am called to be than the things I did right. I wouldn't trade my errors, even those that caused me pain, because they've formed and shaped me into who I am today.
So...what are we supposed to do?
Being a Jedi Master...but maybe more like Obi Wan than Yoda
So, if you're not a Star Wars geek like me, this might not make sense. But here goes. In Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker goes to Yoda to learn the Jedi ways. Yoda gives Luke challenging instruction, but spends a lot of time sitting on a rock eating snacks while Luke does the dirty work. Yoda has simultaneous high standards and incredible confidence in Luke: he says, you do or do not. There is no "try." Yoda refuses to do the work for Luke and makes him work very hard to become a Jedi himself. Luke has to understand the force for himself, not just as Yoda uses it, or he'll never truly be a Jedi Master.
In the same way, I believe as leaders of our youth and children, we are called to lead our youth to understand the truth of God, but we are not called to do the hard work of following Christ for them. Notably, 3 John does not say, "I have no greater joy than this: to see my children doing exactly what I told them to do." Nor does it say, "I have no greater joy than this: to hear that my children are living perfect lives." Nor does it say, "I have no greater joy than this: to be the Jedi Master who enforces his/her will upon all of my students." No...it says, "to hear that my children are walking in the truth." To hear implies that the writer of this letter doesn't micromanage his disciples, but learns of their accomplishments. To walk implies that the children take initiative to follow Jesus on their own rather than because they are compelled or forced to do so.
Yoda is cranky and cantankerous and he is often frustrated with Luke. In the same way, we sometimes hear "King Harold" and sigh with impatience at the learning of our youth. We do in fact expect great things from our youth, but we must foster a deep amount of patience with them as they figure out the path for themselves.
On a different note, we also know that Yoda refused to lead Anakin Skywalker because he "sensed in him much fear." Yoda gave up on Anakin because he wasn't perfect, because he was full of fear and negative energy. Obi Wan Kenobi, of course, refuses the advice of Yoda and decides to teach Anakin the ways of the Force. As we know, this turns out to not be the greatest choice, as Anakin decides to follow greed and the ways of the Sith rather than the ways of the Jedi Masters. Yet, I find Obi Wan's stubborn love of Anakin so very Jesus-like. Jesus knows that Peter will deny him three times, yet he declares that on Peter he will build his church. Jesus knows that Judas will betray him for a small pay day, and yet he still serves him dinner and washes his feet.
This is the great challenge of being a leader for our young folks: we have to accept that some will adhere to the straight and narrow like Luke and some will be wayward like Anakin. We patiently plant seeds and trust that the Holy Spirit will work, even in the darkest of Darth Vader times, Sometimes, we wish that we could protect our youth entirely from the Senator Palpatines of the world, who threaten to lead our youth down destructive and unhealthy paths, but I wonder, if Anakin had followed a perfect path, would Luke and Leia have ever been born? If Anakin had not entered so greatly into the dark side, would he ever have been able to defeat the Emperor? Even as he was made of more machine than human, was it too late for Anakin to make the turn toward the good side?
I believe that we are called to love our kids unconditionally, to set examples for their behavior, but to allow them to make their own decisions, to give them the tools to make decisions that follow God, but not to do the work for them. This makes youth ministry much more difficult. It means that when children sing "Glorify my name," we resolve to teach them something new about the sovereignty of God in a different way, but we are grateful that children, who otherwise might not step foot in a church, are finding joy and pleasure in singing praise to God, even if it's a little confused. It means that when youth read, "King Harold" we resolve to find a way for youth to learn about King Herod and biblical history, but we are grateful for kids reading in depth about the wise men and comparing the gospels to one another. It means that we rejoice, not in perfection, but in youth who are intentionally taking their own initiative to follow Jesus in their own imperfect ways.
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