The Juxtaposition of Safety and Pins

Let me begin this blogpost by giving you a snapshot of Unity Presbyterian Church and our youth group. Unity is this vibrant 1300 member church in Fort Mill, SC, a "suburb" of Charlotte, but in many ways its own small town. The population is growing at an exponential rate, and our church seems to be following that trend too. In name, we are committed to the Presbyterian Church USA and to traditional style worship. We believe that we are hospitable and welcoming to every person that walks through our doors. We are a church that loves tradition, both in worship and in our heritage, and we hope to find freshness in this tradition, a freshness that translates ancient values into modern day society.

In our youth group, this election season has been interesting. We have both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton supporters. We have students who proudly wear rainbow bracelets in support of the LGBTQ community and students who staunchly believe that homosexuality is a sin. We are mostly white, mostly middle class, mostly on-track-to-college, but we are constantly aware of those who lack any of these privileges and others. Our youth go to school with folks who are atheist, Southern Baptist, Mormon, Hindu, Muslim, and likely a whole range of other beliefs. We are on a constant quest to find balance and the ability to have discussions and love when we disagree. Throughout the election season, our youth (and the adults, especially me, their sassy pastor) were challenged to take a picture of someone in America (or a group) that represented someone they had the most difficulty loving. We had lots of kids take political candidates, misogynists, evangelicals, atheists, and more, and I know that this week, those pictures remained on their dressers, and distressed challenged hearts prayed earnestly to God. So as I prepared for yesterday's lesson, and I saw that the text was "Live in harmony with everyone," I said out loud, "Good one, God."

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So the scripture...and living peacefully...

I've heard people on both sides this week saying that we need to accept who won the elections, be quiet, and come together. As though one can simply erase the last 18 months of harmful, personally attacking, hate inspired rhetoric. As though the voters who came out in earnest support of Trump, many of whom have felt marginalized and unheard for many years, should just pretend the last several years of silence never happened. As though minorities, who have been the victims of attacks by Trump supporters for months, should just forget all the oppression they have faced. As though when we look our neighbor and learn which candidate they supported, we don't automatically form a new opinion of that person. Of course, it's an easy thing to say or hope for, that we can all just get along and forget the hurts of our past, but I don't think it's the best solution. For one thing, nothing is accomplished. If we can't learn to talk about our differences in beliefs in a way that is constructive and respectful, we haven't made any progress at all. For another thing, we cannot expect people to be silent when they are mistreated; in fact, we should expect them not to be silent when they are mistreated, and we should stand on their side as well.

So as we looked at the scripture about living peacefully with one another, it became very clear to me and to our youth that living peacefully doesn't mean we simply agree to disagree and never speak of it again. It doesn't mean we only associate with people who are like-minded and share our values. It doesn't mean that we have the loudest voice and others are not heard. Put simply,

it means that we have to give up our desire, our need to be right.

Ask my husband: I really like being right. I really think I'm right like 99% of the time, even when I know I might be wrong. And there are some issues, frankly, that I just cannot fathom how a person could think differently than I do. I'm sure we all have moments like this, especially when we've been privileged enough to have our voices be heard. But as I woke up and was getting ready for work on Wednesday morning, as the election results were pouring in and social media was in an uproar, it occurred to me that today my task is the same as yesterday. Today, I strive to follow Jesus: which means that I strive to love and worship God to the best of my ability, which means I recognize that God is Lord and not I, which means that I know that I am sinful and in need of God's grace, which means that I love people in this world earnestly and passionately, which means that I see the minorities and people who are oppressed in any way and show them love, which means that I have a calling to step out of my comfort zone and into love, especially love that is not often seen in our society. It means that I love the militant Trump supporters and the minorities they oppress; it means that I love each kid that steps into the youth room no matter where they are in their journey, who they think they are, and what they've done.

Some biblical bullying...

We took a look at the argument between two of Jesus' apostles in the early days of the church: Peter and Paul. Peter, of course we know, was one of the original 12. The first half of the book of Acts is dedicated to Peter, who begins his ministry in Jewish synagogues and continuing a lot of traditions from the left half of the Bible (including the restrictions on meat and circumcision). As we know, Jesus renames Peter "The Rock" because the church will be built upon him. In other words, Peter's got some swag; he's the bee's knees, he's kind of important, and people listen to him. In the early days of Christianity, people weren't sure exactly what Jesus' resurrection might mean or who was included. Was this a new form of Judaism? Was this open to Gentiles? What does a person need to do to be a disciple of Jesus Christ? 

Paul, on the other hand, was a Pharisee who actively persecuted the early church. The resurrected Jesus meets him on the road to Damascus in Acts 9, where has a conversion experience and is convinced to begin serving Jesus Christ. In Acts 11, we learn that Paul feels his distinct calling is to take the message of Jesus Christ to the Gentiles, so that God's special relationship with the Jews could be known to all people. As we see in Acts 11 and in Galatians 1, Peter and Paul, among others, vehemently disagree with one another about what it means and what it looks like to be a follower of Christ. Some of their arguments get downright nasty.

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Yet in scripture, we never really learn that they've figured out one way to agree. In fact, to this day, denominations all over the world disagree about what a person needs to do to be a Christian. No one was declared "right." I often imagine Paul and Peter arguing until the days of their deaths. And yet, they loved each other. They argued with love. Peter, as the founder of the Roman Catholic faith, and the apostle present in the Pentecost, is an essential part of the beginning of the church. We couldn't have done it without him. At the same time, Paul who traveled all over Europe and northern Africa spreading the news of the gospel to Gentiles was just as necessary. We see watermarks of their influence still on our beliefs two millennia later.

Paul and Peter give us a great example of what it means to disagree with love, and to learn how to be united in the desire to follow Jesus Christ. Both voices can be heard with respect and kindness even when we aren't going to agree.

Finally, the safety pins

All over social media, I've been seeing varying opinions about wearing safety pins. The safety pin is supposed to be a symbol on allies that that person is a safe person to talk to, that they will step in to defend the rights and dignity of minorities, and that they will not remain silent. Some people believe this is an easy way for people to voice their dissension from those who may have voted for Donald Trump out of dislike for minorities. And, I think that makes some sense. The day after the election, I had a lot of folks on my Facebook newsfeed who have darker skin than I do, who are members of the LGBTQ community, who are immigrants or refugees, who are victims of sexual assault, who immediately declared, "Do I have a place in Trump's America?" Regardless of where you stand politically, it is absolutely heartbreaking that anyone has to ask if they are safe in America; that is not what we stand for, it is not how we were founded, and it should not be something we tolerate for our future. I want those people, immediately, to know that I care, that I love them, and that I am a safe person to come to.

Yet at the same time, I heard another voice. I heard people say racist things out of ignorance and violent things out of frustration. I heard voters come out and declare that even though they don't agree with some of the progressive moves in our country's politics, they refuse to be left behind. America has declared that gun violence is a problem, same sex couples can marry, and black lives matter, and for better or worse, they aren't ready for that. No one has stood next to them and explained why these things are important. They are asked to put their feet in someone else's shoes, but they feel no one has considered their own experience. I am by no means saying that these people are oppressed, but have we really made progress half of our population doesn't understand why we are making it?

And finally, I have been struck by silent voices. I've heard a lot of white people on TV talking about black voters, but I haven't heard enough (in my opinion) about the political feelings of the black population (I say this not as a slight toward them but toward the media). I have heard a lot of so-called important issues across the news, and yet I haven't heard a political candidate or a media personality say more than a passing word about the pipeline going through sacred lands in North Dakota and the continued mistreatment of the Native American population there.

So here's our interpretation of the Safety Pin:

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#1: Safety

We are using a safety pin instead of a push pin or a needle because it reminds us that God's love is always safe. In God's love, we don't need to be right. Whether we believe that homosexuality is a sin or not, we can agree that no person should consider hurting themselves because of their sexuality. Whether we understand all of the complexities of our nation's racism, we can all agree that no one should fear for their lives because of the color of their skin. Whether we want to take in all the refugees or put a strict limit on our borders, we can all agree that people who are fleeing from terror should be able to find a place where they are safe.

God's love is safe, complete, and whole. We don't always have to be right, but we do have to be loving. Even if one way does prove to be more right than another, we are not going to achieve understanding between opposing parties until we can enter a conversation knowing that we ourselves are beloved children of God and the person with whom we are arguing is also a beloved child of God. Jesus gave us the example when he heals on the Sabbath, when he touches lepers, and speaks to sinful women; Jesus, in his actions, gives us the example that God's work isn't about being right but about being loving.

#2: Still a pin

The safety pins remind us that we have a calling to commit ourselves to this love each day. We are not going to be successful every day. There will always be people who are hard to love, situations we can't understand, and people with whom we disagree, but the pin reminds us that we are called to follow Jesus first, not our own opinions. This means that some of us will wear our safety pins on our clothes, holding ourselves accountable to being a voice alongside minorities and those being bullied in our community. Some of us are called to be advocates. This means that some of us will wear our safety pins in our pockets or out of sight because perhaps we aren't called to protect but to learn how to understand. Perhaps we are called to think before we speak or try to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. Perhaps we are simply called to just not be mean. None of us are called to violent acts in words and in physical action against another person because of who they are. None of us are called to be bystanders while violence and conflict occur. All of us are called to follow Jesus in actions of love and empathy.

#3: Not just a symbol but a lifestyle

Wearing this pin could be a really convenient way for white, straight, rich people to feel good about themselves. You could, in theory, wear this pin and mean nothing by it, just wanting the public to think you are a good person. Like when my Ultimate Frisbee team in college prayed before a game. But if you aren't going to accompany this symbol with a lifestyle change, then you're not ready to wear it on the outside of your clothes. Like when our team captain at Ultimate Frisbee proceeded to cuss out the referees and the other team approximately 10 minutes after our prayer. This pin is about taking a real look at ourselves, acknowledging our prejudices and bias, acknowledging our privilege and pride, acknowledging the difference between self and other while also acknowledging that in diversity we are beloved by God. It's about challenging ourselves to live into the call of God and affirming that we are people of love. Not all of us will wear the pins for everyone to see, but each of us are called to this self-assessment and humbling of self. This is our only path to peace.

So join us:

We are not perfect. We are sinners trying to follow a perfect God. We will probably never all agree about politics or racial issues or homosexuality, or whatever the case may be. What we can agree on is the love of Jesus Christ in this world. When we participate in hate, we are denying that love. When we ignore the hurt around us, we are denying that love. When we care more about our own pride and rightness, we are denying that love. I welcome dissenting opinions about this, in hopes that we might have loving discussion in the vein of Peter and Paul, so that our tomorrow really might be more peaceful than today.

A Time to turn the other cheek and a Time to flip over the tables...and everything in between

When I was in 9th grade, I was required to take a Speech class. As one of our assignments, we worked on Original Oratory, which expressed our opinions about a particular topic. We debated those topics in class. One smug gentleman gave his speech about how glorious and wonderful the pope was. He stood in front of us with a 4 inch silver cross dangling from his neck and recited sentence after sentence about why we should adore the pope.

Of course, the North Hills in Pittsburgh had a large Catholic population, so his speech was well received by the majority of the class. He strutted across the front of the classroom as though he thought he might be able to skip the debate part because no one would disagree with the pope. The girl in front of me stood up. She was wearing a full-length black velvet cloak and had black makeup that pronounced the features on her face, the goth look was very popular then. She declared, looking as Satanic as possible, "I think the pope is full of [insert your own word for excrement]. What gives him authority? I'm not Catholic; why should I believe the pope has any authority?"

There was a rumbling of mumbling students all shocked at her boldness, and the speaker's mouth dropped open in a mixture of shock and horror. "Yeah well," he replied, "You're the only one here who thinks that, and you'll be going straight to hell."

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Um...what???

So, of course, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "Well, I'm not Catholic either, and I don't know why I would give the pope any authority either." There was an audible gasp around the room, and the speaker and I exchanged several jabs concluding with:

Me: Yeah, well, the pope is just some crotchety old man who hates women!

Speaker: {presses cross against my forehead} The power of Christ compels you! Away with thee, Satan!

[I really wish I were exaggerating this story, but I am not. This literally happened.]

What was the result of this inane argument? Nothing. I certainly wasn't persuaded that the pope had authority over the protestant church, and he remained convinced that I was doomed to hell for all of eternity. For all of the energy expended, the shouting, the enraged tempers, the heightened emotions, this argument changed nothing except to create permanent animosity between me and the speaker. 

High School Sunday School

I tell this story because yesterday in High School Sunday School we discussed the story of Jesus flipping over the tables in the temple. We talked about how the money changers were bringing injustice to the temple and the culture, about how the high prices for sacrifices kept out the poor and there was active discrimination against certain groups of people trying to worship. And we talked about Jesus' extreme reaction to this: flipping over tables, shouting, running the money changers out of the temple area, even fashioning a whip in John's gospel.

We've got extreme injustice, and we've got a loud cry on behalf of that injustice. As a class, we realized that the world is not so different today. Our youth often see kids who are bullied or treated differently for one reason or another.They know people who use the Bible as a weapon to tell them they are wrong. They experience obstacles in the accomplishment of their dreams (not making the team or the spot in band or the grade they had hoped for or the SAT score they desired). The know the opportunities that they have that others do not have. And they know Jesus took rather extreme measures to make a loud raucous in opposition to injustice in his day.

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It is a natural part of the maturing process for teenagers to think that they are always right. As they begin to formulate their own opinions and understand the world in different dimensions, it is a part of coming into their own to believe that their opinions, regardless of their foundation in evidence, are always right. And frankly, we know that feeling: it is a lot more fun to call the pope crotchety than it is to agree to disagree.But another part of growing up is learning that I will be I and you will be you, and we are not the same. It takes a tremendous effort to hear the story of another person with an empathetic ear and to take a step into their shoes. I know that it can be discouraging when we hear kids say things that are insensitive, rude, and selfish. I know because I've heard it a million times. What I remind myself constantly is that the world is still so small for these youth. Experiences like Work Camp help them realize that the world is bigger than they thought, the issues are more complex than they had previously known. But even still, compared to my life experience, the world is still small to them. It's okay for youth to stubbornly proclaim how right they are; it's also okay for them to get a swift kick in the tookus, a spiritual two-by-four to the face, if you will, that opens their eyes to the reality that the earth actually rotates around the sun and not them. Friends, this is NORMAL, so so normal. 

So...so having discussions that don't end in exorcisms...

So getting back to my disagreement with the Catholic that ended in me having a silver cross pressed into my forehead... as I mentioned nothing was gained from that conversation except bitterness and pride. While it is just a fabulous story I've been itching to find a place for, if I could go back in time I would change the dialogue, I would make some new effort to recover the conversation to a constructive tone. I'm sure we all have memories like that.

As I look at Jesus' reaction to the temple, I wonder if the effect of that event wasn't limited to the shock and horror experienced by those who witnessed it first hand. Real change didn't happen on that day alone; rather, it's 2,000 years later, and we are STILL talking about it, having discussions about why Jesus did this and how it can be translated into today. The change didn't happen in the violence or the crazy-town reaction of Jesus; the effect didn't occur the moment those tables were flipped. The story doesn't end, "And then everyone sold items for a fair price and allowed all people into the Temple and they just loved Jesus so much."

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No the change, the effect occurred because Jesus' actions sparked civilized conversations about what was right and what was wrong. It challenged the people in authority and gave a voice to all people who entered the temple area that day.

We talked in Sunday School about how to cultivate these kinds of constructive conversations. I realize that some of our youth will have to have heated arguments that end with exorcisms in order to learn the lesson that that doesn't work; I know because I did, and I had several more conversations ending in bitterness until I realized I needed to try a different tactic. I know that had Jesus not begun with an extreme action, the silenced voices might never be heard. But in a world where Starbucks cups about world peace and unity are considered controversial and political, I feel it is my job and our calling as the church to advocate for peaceful discourse, for civil debates, and loving dialogue. Slowly, this voice of reason will begin to cut through the contentiousness of our society, both among our youth and our adults, until it makes a difference in the way we treat each other. The best thing we can do to help our youth learn that they are not always right is to learn that we ourselves are not always right.

Resources

Jesus, Tables, and Social Media

some teenager brain psychology stuff

There's no crying in ministry...

When I was in seminary, I was required to take classes about Pastoral Care. In those classes, there were many occasions where professors and fellow students said, "There is never a situation in ministry where it is appropriate for the pastor to be reduced to tears." This was a really challenging sentence for me because, well, I'm a big-time cryer.

I cry looking at pictures of my cousins growing up or of our friends' children smiling at their dads. I cry when I look at first-day-of-school pictures and see youth I've worked with all over growing up. I cry when those youth graduate from high school, and yes, I am old enough to cry when they get married. I cry when I see children bringing forth the offering and singing the doxology.

I cry at every wedding; I cried watching my best friend dance with her father when she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to dance again. I cry when I'm angry, frustrated, sad, or confused. I cried at a meeting when I felt I didn't do a good enough job leading Confirmation students. I cried every time I left a church to move on in God's call for my life. I cried when I held orphans in my arms in Mexico. I cried when I saw the devastation from Hurricane Katrina in Biloxi, Mississippi. I cried when I graduated from college, and when I got engaged to my husband. I cry at every death and every funeral, including pets; I even cry at a well-made iPhone commercial.

For most of my life, I have thought that crying made me weak. That it was something to be embarrassed of, or something I should hide, especially in ministry. Over the last year, I have learned to embrace the fact that I cry at everything for three reasons:

1. It's biblical. Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus in John 11, and he weeps with us today when we face grief, loss, and sadness.

2. I need to feel. God gave me the great capacity to feel so many emotions. For me, with my biological make-up for whatever reasons, to feel anything intensely means that I cry. I believe my tears are a way that I embrace life, faith, and relationships fully. 

3. It's good for me. My dear friend, Ellen, says that tears are liquid Prozac, they make us feel better and we should cherish them. She's right: they always act as a release for me.

So here I am, a real big cry-baby, and I am no longer ashamed of it. In fact, I embrace it as one of my spiritual gifts in ministry. Here are 10 things I cried about this weekend:

#10: Children praying

On Sunday morning, most of you probably attended the 11:00 worship service to hear the Winthrop Chorale. Of course, I was also at the 8:45 service, where we had the great treat of listening to the Junior Choir. They were, of course, wonderful, but the part of the service that struck me was the Lord's Prayer. As I completed my prayer of the people and transitioned into the Lord's Prayer, I suddenly heard a loud chorus of the Junior Choir students confidently and loudly reciting the Lord's Prayer. I looked over to see eyes scrunched tight and hands folded, kids praying the Lord's Prayer seriously, with all their hearts.

Well, I teared up. I know I wasn't the only one. It was so beautiful! I kept thinking to myself, "I have no greater joy than this: to see my children walking in the light."

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#9: Hearing the buzz about Unity

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Every week, you may not realize it, but we have upwards of 50 visitors walking through our doors. That's more than some churches have on their entire rolls. This weekend, I had the chance to talk with many of our visitors who said, "People have told us that Unity's Youth Group is special" or "We've heard that Unity has really great worship" or "There's nothing going on in our community like what's going on at Unity Presbyterian Church." I see the Holy Spirit at work so often in my work here, but when the collective community starts talking about it, it just proves that it's the Holy Spirit at work. I know at times what we do at our church seems monotonous, like we do the same things each year or at each turn. Sometimes it can be difficult to take a step back and see what is really going on around here, and I encourage you, take a good look at our church because something special is going on here.

#8: Middle School Trip to Corn Maze

It might seem simple and maybe not even relevant that there were 35 middle school youth who attended the Corn Maze field trip on Sunday. They enjoyed face-painting, slushies, corn mazes, and hay rides. This might seem normal, and we are used to seeing these types of pictures:

But this isn't normal throughout the world. More often than not, the pictures of students ages 11-13 that we see in the media are kidnapped, runaways, abused, or troubled. When we see them on the news, it is because they have joined gangs or found drugs at an early age. Too often lately, we see these young teens in memoriam after an accidental death or suicide. As I looked around at our middle schoolers, unfettered by horrors, violence, and evil, I was overwhelmed (shockingly...to the point of tears) with gratitude that even with all of the challenges our teens face, they can find one afternoon of solace and unadulterated joy at a corn maze. Let's not forget what a gift that is.

#7: Bible Recommendations

As I prepared my lesson for Confirmation class on Sunday morning, I began to dread actually teaching the lesson. The topic was "Why are there so many versions of the Bible?" and I had excitedly prepared a lesson that would have made my old college religion professor, Dr. Na, very very proud. I organized passages to look at in various versions and I copied pages from my Greek and Hebrew texts for them to look at. I thought to myself, dear Lord, no kid is going to be interested in this.

And as I began class and looked at their sleepy eyes, I was sure that I would be right. At the end of class, I asked if anyone had any questions. One student raised her hand and asked, "What recommendations would you have for us if we are looking to purchase our own bible?" As she said this, many heads perked up and hands even grabbed writing utensils to scribble down some information. Once I scraped my chin off the floor, I responded by encouraging them to go to www.biblegateway.com and to begin reading texts in different versions and decide which version you feel most comfortable with (which I recommend to everyone).

I've been doing youth ministry for 10 years. I've had some amazing kids who probably wondered about buying a new bible for themselves; I've had wonderful parents who did lengthy research to find a bible that worked best for their children. Never, ever, have I heard a child ask me in a class what recommendations I had for Bibles. In fact, most of my advice as a youth pastor is unsolicited, but I hope it falls on hungry ears. And again, I found myself taking a pit stop to the bathroom on the way to worship to blot my eyes as I said a prayer of thanks for this wonderful pursuit of faith.

#6: Illness, Injury, and Struggle

I say all of these previous ones with the caveat that we do not have perfect children in our church who never face adversity, challenge, or despair. In fact, there is a whole heck of a lot of hurt in our community; it is simply the way our youth are choosing to manage and handle that hurt that makes them special.

This week, I learned that we have several kids who are suffering from concussions or injuries. We have lots of kids home with pneumonia, strep throat, and yes, the dreaded stomach flu. We have kids who failed auditions or struggle with grades, who have commitments from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed, who worry about getting into college before they've even gone to middle school. We have parents pulling all-nighters to pick their kids up from band or make sure homework gets done or observe through a tough fever. 

There are so many challenges, it is hard to keep up with them all. I do however, hold these in my prayers. Sometimes, I hold these in my prayers through tears, each tear a prayer lifted over to God. I hate that kids have to suffer, but as much as I'd love to keep it from happening if I could, I know that "suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." (Romans 5.3-5)

Know always that you are loved, 

you are covered in prayer,

and you are empowered by the living God.

#5: Advent Devotions

Our Middle School Youth had the opportunity to write Advent Devotions that will be included in this year's Advent Devotion booklet for Unity Presbyterian Church. Each daily entry has been written by a member of our church, and some of them were written by the youth. 

Sometimes, we set our expectations for spiritual understanding extremely low when we are talking to or about youth. Whether we think their brains have not fully developed yet or they lack life experience or they simply don't have a voice at the table because of their age, we tend to think that our youth should be protected from difficult concepts and encouraged in simple, concrete understandings of scripture. This is a fallacy that even I admit I can fall into. Our youth are deep, challenging, intelligent biblical thinkers. As I read through these devotions, I thought to myself, "This one sounds a lot like the church father Augustine" or "Gee, John Calvin would be proud." I am looking forward to each of you getting the chance to read these and the devotions written by many others during the Advent season (beginning November 27). The booklet will be available online each day on our website and the Facebook page, and some paper copies will be available in the Narthex beginning November 20.

#4:  Youth Room Painting

Years ago, I offered to lead a youth group in repainting the youth room. The kids came in 3 days to do the bulk of the painting; I came in every day for lots of hours for 2 months putting in all the tiny details and making it look nice. As I brushed my roller over the final piece of wall, I thought to myself: "I am literally never doing this again, I don't care how ugly the walls of a youth room are."

So when the high school youth in Sunday School brought up to their teachers that they wanted to repaint the youth room, I firmly said that if they wanted to do it, they needed to do it themselves. On Sunday, they trooped in and busted out a lot of painting skills in that room. Maybe it would have looked better if a professional had come in, but the fact is: that room belongs to them. Every drop of paint on the floor, every visible stroke on the wall, every color, every stain, every inch. It is a place in which they are safe and comforted, a place they take ownership of, and a place they have made safe and special for youth in generations to come. After I checked in on them on Sunday, I of course got a bit teary as my heart filled with gratitude at their initiative, leadership, and sense of inclusion in the church.

#3:  Confirmation Retreat

This week I had the great privilege of spending 24 hours at Bethelwoods Camp and Conference Center with our 8th graders as we explored the "Radical Pursuit of God" in the beginning stages of our faith journey. We made spiritual smashbooks to talk about who we are and where we are gifted; we did team challenges to learn about how as a church, we work together; we spent time in silent prayer and reflection about our individual spiritual journeys.

Every year, I say, "This is the best Confirmation class ever!" and I legitimately mean it, because I just love Confirmation so much. There is nothing that gives my heart greater joy than to watch our youth figuring out exactly what faith means to them individually. The future of the church is in the hands of these wonderful teenagers, and I have every confidence that the church will survive to do great things in their capable hands.

#2:  Winthrop Chorale

If you were in worship on Sunday, no commentary is necessary for this.

If you were not in worship on Sunday, make sure you don't miss the Winthrop Chorale next time. The worship was astounding and spirit-shaking.

And #1: My Messy Office and other signs

If you have been to my office recently, you are aware that it looks like a storage facility that had a tornado shoot through it. Every day, I have to wade through boxes and piles of books and papers and pool noodles and posterboards and dead weeds and glue sticks and balls of yarn... It makes me anxious even right now as I looke around seeing lessons from months and months ago, still waiting for me to find a new home for them. Certainly, I could cry over how much of a mess it is. But I also cry because it is so used. The complete messiness of my office is a reminder to me that we are doing real ministry, a real work in the Kingdom of God. We are meeting unique needs in our community, we are loving kids in new and special ways, and we are creating this safe space for them to thrive and experience God's love. While I'd love to have a clean office, I'd much rather be writing this blog sitting in a pig sty than have no ministry to account for. We are busy. We are full. And I for one am very proud of the special work we are doing with the teens of our community.

What makes you cry in ministry? What do you reach out to experience with all of your emotions?

Getting Hangry and Not Settling for Snickers

In one of my first jobs in youth ministry, I had a parent come to me in a very raw state. She was very upset because her 14 year old son had just declared that he was an atheist and he didn't want to have anything to do with God or the church. Would I, she pleaded, accept him at Youth Group and help him to change his mind? I replied that he was welcome anytime to come to youth group. That's just about all I can promise.

Being young in youth ministry, I was weirdly convinced that if I said all the right things and moved my hands the right way...if I did everything right, this kid would find Jesus have a full on, stop the press, conversion experience.

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Spoiler alert: he didn't. There were times when he wasn't quite so angry with the church. There were times when he thought he might have experienced something spiritual. There were times when hope overrode cynicism. But as for the magical, fluffy conversion experience I had hoped for, not happening. Of course, mom was not pleased with me, believing I had some magical Jesus Homeboy powers to cure doubt and magically transform teenagers into...well, something without hormones, a bad attitude, and body odor.

This experience (and there have been many others like it) have been good reminders about what it is we actually do in youth ministry: my job is to help teenagers recognize that they are hungry: hungry for spiritual growth, hungry for God's unconditional love, and hungry to be a part of the communion of saints, the church universal. 

Recognizing Hunger Pains

My husband often recounts that the thing he remembers most about being a teenage boy is that he was always hungry. It didn't matter if it were carrot sticks, plain cheese pizza, a bag of peanuts, or even a stack of rice cakes, if there was food sitting on the counter, he was going to eat it. He might even eat 4 pork chops and a pound of mashed potatoes, but he would still have room for ice cream later. Being a teenager is characterized by this constant feeling of never been full, never being completely satisfied.

And it's not just food that our youth are hungry for. They are hungry for acceptance from their peers, independence from their parents, popularity at school, and athletic success. They are hungry to be the center of attention while simultaneously fitting into the crowd; they are hungry for parents who love and coddle them but give them independence and leeway; they are hungry to be noticed for how cool and able they are, but not to be noticed because they are different.

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In these and other ways, teenagers are often hungry for things they can't identify or define. They are hungry to be a part of our faith community, but they are reluctant to be the ace Sunday School student or to appear too vanilla. They are hungry for the love of God, but they are full of questions and doubts. They are hungry for acceptance from our congregation, but they want to be seen as more than children. My job and the job of our wonderful, talented, dedicated youth leaders is to empower and enable youth to figure out that they are hungry and then what exactly they are hungry for. 

Last year, I heard a story of some of our middle school boys on the way home from youth group. One boy said he loved youth group, but he hated the small group time and wished we could play games the whole time. The other boys in the car looked at him incredulously, "Dude, are you serious? Small group time is my favorite! We can just be ourselves and talk about real things." This is just such a wonderful example: our youth will tell us they are hungry for the best game of dodgeball or ski trips or Scarowinds, but they are really hungry for a place where "we can just be ourselves and talk about real things." Sometimes, they don't even realize they are hungry for it until they are given a taste of what they are missing.

When "hungry" turns to "hangry"

We've all seen the Snickers commercials; we know that "hangry" is what happens when you get extra cranky because your are very hungry. My husband is well-acquainted with someone is known to be hangry anytime she goes 4 hours without food or one week without ice cream (*ahem...me*). We know well that babies cry when they are hungry and toddlers throw tantrums and teenagers are just plain mean, and some of us adults, well, we can just be bears when we are deprived our mid-afternoon snack.

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Of course it's also true that we can be spiritually "hangry." On the first day of Confirmation several years ago, I had a student, a very dedicated student, come to my office after the first class and say, "I am going to quit Confirmation; I don't believe in any of this crap." I told her it was fine that she had doubts and wasn't so sure, but I encouraged her to keep coming and keep asking the questions because if she quit now, she might never get answers. Then when it was closer to Confirmation, we would make a decision together about whether or not she was ready to join the church. She came to class for the next 16 weeks with a premeditated list of questions that were really accusations about God, about the Bible, and about church. She was hangry: she was not only hungry for spiritual understanding, she was angry that life had, in 15 years, given her unsatisfactory answers or ignored her questions. She didn't ask God for explanations, she demanded it.

I'm sure all of us who interact with teenagers regularly can attest to the constant chorus of hangry demands:

I don't want to go to church; it's boring.

I'm not reading the Bible because it sounds like silly stories.

I think I'm an atheist because I'm really disgusted by the corruption of the Catholic Church.

I am a Christian, but I don't talk about it because I don't want to be like those people at school, the ones who are always trying to get everyone saved.

I love Montreat; I just hate church.

It can be easy to feel like the mom from the first story I shared: it hurts to hear that our kids have questions about their faith; it makes us cringe to hear them declare that they hate church. Even more, it fills us with fear and failure when they declare that they no longer want to follow Jesus Christ. Each week, however, I encourage myself and I encourage all of you to hear these gripes less as a negative diatribe and more as an exclamation of spiritual hanger. It can feel sometimes like spiritual hanger is like a cloud over our heads that won't go away, but it can also lead to real spiritual growth. My hangry Confirmation Student not only was confirmed and joined the church, but she also taught Sunday School all through high school and continues to practice her faith in college. In my own life, I believe I can cite the times when I was most spiritually hangry, the times when I was filled simultaneously with a sense of frustration and longing, as the times when God was really working a new and good work within me. After seminary, I continued to work part time at church I loved and felt called to and part time at Michael's craft store, as opportunity after opportunity for ordained ministry seemed to fall apart or be utterly not right. I began to question my call: was I really called to ordained ministry? Was I called to youth ministry? Maybe I should go into public relations or something where I could earn a decent living and do ministry on the side. My call to Unity came at the perfect time; each time I visited or interviewed with Unity I was reminded, re-energized, and reinvigorated with my sense of call in pastoral ministry. In the past year plus, I have walked through the door more than 350 times, and I have felt that same renewed sense of call every time I come here. I know, however, that I would not appreciate how perfect and right this call is had I not been allowed to become spiritually hangry for it.

Hangry? Don't eat a snickers.

Of course, the TV will tell us that we can get rid of our hanger by eating a Snickers.

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Let's look at the facts however. A Snickers bar contains 250 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 27 grams of sugar, and 120 mg of sodium. With the exception of peanuts, almost nothing contained in a Snickers bar has any dietary nutritional value (and a lot of the ingredients are unpronounceable). With the large number of sugar, Snickers bars leave the snacker hungry not long after consuming; they aren't filling, and just lead you to crave junk food even more. I think we can all agree that when it comes to a snack, a Snickers might taste good at the time, but it's not exactly the best long-term curb-hunger decision.

The same is essentially true of our spiritual hanger as well. I have two degrees in religious studies, and I love theology, philosophy, ethics, and sociology. I could probably come up with some kind of complex answer to most of the questions that are posed to me by teenagers that may or may not be satisfactory. But there are some answers they need to find themselves. There are some mysteries we can't solve in our faith. And there are some times when we have handed out snickers when we have youth who need a balanced diet.

A few years ago, a child I know went with his parents to a special animal exhibit at the zoo. He, at the age of 5, was able to see turkeys and roosters up close for the first time. He asked the zoo person, "How come the turkeys have those red things hanging from their necks?" The zoo person, red and obviously flustered said, "Because God made them that way!" The little boy stared at the zoo person and said, "Um, okay, but why?"

While it is of course true that God made these animals with unique features, there are also scientific or interesting ways that we know why God made those animals that way or chose to give them particular gifts or functions. For example, spiders spin webs because God gave them the capacity to do so AND because they are able to catch their food with the webs and control the insect population. Sometimes we are afraid of giving kids complicated answers because we are afraid they'll only ask more questions or they'll begin to doubt in God. But actually the opposite is true. When we fail to give our youth answers or address questions honestly, we are essentially saying that the church today isn't relative, and that their questions don't count. We are saying that teenagers can't be trusted to ask questions and God might be too weak to stand where our questions are blowing.

And of course there are times when no amount of spiritual food can fully quench our spiritual hunger. I went to Mexico in college where I worked with orphans at multiple orphanages. I left with this sense of "why does anyone have to suffer like this?" and "why was I so lucky to live in America and have parents?" I will never have the answers to those questions until I meet Jesus face-to-face, but over time as I've learned to understand God, I have moved from hangry to hungry. I have learned to be at peace with my questions not by denying that they exist but by acknowledging that there is more to the world than what I can observe, there is more to God than what I have experienced. Sometimes, letting our teenagers be a little hangry is more healthy for them than force-feeding them unhealthy, simple Snickers. 

So...living with hangry kids

I wish that faith for teenagers were as easy as handing out Snickers bars on Halloween, but it just isn't. I wish that I could give our youth all the answers and save them from questions and anger, doubts and frustration, but I can't. I wish that our youth didn't have to develop such hanger issues, but often they do, and it's that hanger that leads them to a deep, rich, and lasting faith throughout their lives. I challenge us to recognize the hunger in our youth, so that we might work together to meet their real hunger needs rather than quick fixes.

Learning to love Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and other people I think are crumby

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I used to really love Michael Jackson. I mean, I had a full dance routine to Beat It, and I watched the music video for Man in the Mirror and Black or White so many times that the VHS tape wore out. Then when I was older, the media was full of stories of Michael abusing young boys. My childhood hero, completely ripped apart before my eyes. It was a long time before I could listen to his music again with the same joy I had as a bright-eyed child.

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I was in 5th grade when I watched President Bill Clinton speaking from the oval office about his relationships with women.

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Woody Allen. A legend in the film-making industry. Traditionally, Allen has created more powerful roles for women actors than most other directors and writers. He brings a fresh strength and empowerment to his female characters, and women literally are lining up to work with him for that reason. I remember the tabloids in the supermarket showing him with his adopted teenage daughter. I tried to justify in my mind that they weren't blood related, but I can't shake this inky black feeling that he is not who I thought he was. Although I still find a way to straddle the line of my ethics and my love for movies each time I pay to see his films, I can't help but feel dirty and uncomfortable afterward.

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Paula Deen. I hate what she has said about my black brothers and sisters. But her Southern Cooking Bible is a staple in our home. And her biscuits are to die for.

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You see, I grew up (and our youth are now growing up) in an age where nothing is sacred. No one in our society is capable of holding onto the porcelain images associated with Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly. In the 1950s, Jerry Lee Lewis married his cousin who was only 13 at the time (he was 22), and it completely annihilated his career. Today, I am convinced this would be a simple drop in the bucket, easy to overcome with time and good PR. After all, who hasn't had a scandal? Are you even a celebrity or a politician if you haven't had one? It's like the Bar Mitzvah of Hollywood: a rite of passage into fame.

And it seems as though the degradation and disgusting nature of the crimes is getting saltier and saltier. Now, the opposing political candidate is not just someone I disagree with on economics, social justice, or foreign policy; rather, the opposition represents evil incarnate, the ushering in of the apocalypse, and a complete ruination of our democracy. It is no longer that a political candidate said or did things that they now regret; rather, their actions are deemed by their opponent as criminal and worthy of prison time. In order to support a candidate or see a movie or listen to some musical artist, it seems that the world is demanding that I make concessions about my beliefs and my convictions. I somehow have to compartmentalize or justify the person and the art.

A great example: Nate Parker. Nate Parker is one of the artistic minds behind the telling of Nat Turner's biographical (or historical fiction) tale in The Birth of a Nation. Having seen the movie, I believe it has its place in the top films about racism and slavery in our country. It is deeply convicting, difficult to watch as a white person, and yet somehow empowering, giving the audience hope and encouragement to make changes in our racial discourse. Easily, this was the best movie I have seen this year (and I think I have seen upwards of 40 movies). Just before the release of the film, Nate Parker was destroyed by the media for rape charges filed against him in 1999. The social media world erupted, acting as judge and jury for not only Nate Parker and the incident in 1999, but for the movie as well. People who hadn't seen the movie blatantly refused to see it because it depicted sexual assault (that was not present in the historical biography of Nat Turner), and the social media world deemed that a person who was accused of the same crime could not possibly write or act in a movie that condemned actions he had taken in his own life.

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Again, I am faced with this challenge: do I need to justify Nate Parker's actions in 1999 in order to appreciate and applaud the artistic genius of The Birth of a Nation? Am I required to proclaim someone sinless in order to appreciate their work? Do my actions in appreciating the work of a sinner convey the message that I condone the sin?

Sinners or Saints?

We brushed on this topic in both Middle School and High School Youth Group yesterday. Our Middle Schoolers were challenged to shed the feelings of resentment and irritability they have toward parents, peers, and self in order to really love someone, even if they don't agree or get along with them. Similarly, our High Schoolers were challenged to love those who we consider enemies, to pray for those who persecute us or others, to seek compassion and empathy for those with whom we do not agree. The idea of loving people who are difficult is not new to our generation, although it is taking a different form; scripture and history are littered with stories of humans trying to figure out how to get along with other humans.

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

-Leviticus 19.18

Somehow over the years, it became necessary for us to be "all in" when it comes to a political candidate or a spouse or a particular cause. If we find ourselves disagreeing with someone, we either find ourselves changing our minds on certain matters or justifying our beliefs, OR we change our minds and nullify the ideas that seem to be tainted. How can I still listen to Michael Jackson's music when the world believes him to be a child molester? How can I believe that former President Bill Clinton did anything good for our country, since he had an affair with Monica Lewinsky? Or worse yet, how can I support his wife? In order to watch Woody Allen's movies, I have to some how justify that his relationship with his adoptive daughter was somehow consensual and they are super happy and devoted to each other. I will no longer cook Paula Deen's recipes because they are filled with butter and racism. No wait, I can't do that. Paula Deen is a wonderful person who has been crucified by the media, and I can still indulge in her high-caloric recipes without guilt.

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I don't even think this is a conscious decision on our part. I think we naturally gravitate away from feeling uncomfortable or from seeing one another in a sinful light, and when faced with discomfort and sin head-on, we either soften the image with excuses or we divorce ourselves from the previous angelic image and distance ourselves from this character.

Yet...that's not what Jesus is calling us to do.

You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Matthew 5.43-45

...since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God...

Romans 3.23

Somehow, God is commanding us to find love in our hearts for others. Not because they are innocent of their sins, not even because they are sorry, and not because they contain some righteousness that we cannot see. Rather, we are called by God to love all people simply because they are created and loved by God. As we said in High School Youth Group last night, sometimes the best response to your mind racing with insults about another person is to remember, "Jesus died for this person, as well as for me."

Some wisdom from Augustine

So a long time ago when the church was still pretty new, there was this very cool saint named St. Augustine of Hippo (yes, that's right of Hippo...the place, not the animal). There was this group of people called the Donatists who believed that the sacraments (namely baptism and the Lord's Supper) were considered null and void if they were administered by a sinner, by someone who was not completely and perfectly orthodox in their beliefs. If the priest didn't share their politics, if the priest was guilty of envying another priests fancy vestment, if the priest sometimes wished for steak instead of ground beef, if the priest occasionally blasted a parishioner for cutting him off in traffic (OK...so these are imaginary examples, but you get the picture)...then whatever they did in worship was considered null and void.

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Augustine said this was ridiculous and against Christ. Augustine believed that the sacraments were outward signs of inward grace, physical manifestations of the work of God that has already been accomplished in the spiritual realm. A human being, according to Augustine, couldn't mess up the sacrament simply by being sinful or making an error in the service; rather God's Spirit and the divine actions taking place in the act of worship were what made the sacraments holy in the first place. In other words, we don't depend on humans being perfect in order to have a proper relationship or worship of the living God; we rely on God.

I think there's an application for this today. If some truth, work, or action is presented by a sinner, it doesn't necessarily make it any less true. Rather we believe that God works through sinful humans to do God's work in the world. This doesn't mean that we need to excuse sinful behavior, but it also doesn't mean that we need to vilify a person's whole life for their sinful actions. 

What if this is how we thought about our political candidates or about the people who disagree with us in politics? Could we somehow appreciate that even as broken as some candidates appear to be that God might actually work through them in their presidency or time in office?

What if this is how we thought about celebrities, writers, and artists? Could we somehow appreciate works of art and truth in movies and music even if they were created by someone whose sins are well-known? Can we appreciate their good works, yet still condemn inappropriate actions?

What if this is how we thought about our neighbors?

What if this is how we thought about ourselves?

A Challenge Worth Accepting

As we come to the second half of October, with the presidential election just around the corner, we find ourselves sitting in an atmosphere of tension, anger, and mistrust. God is challenging us to be counter-cultural, which means not that we pick the candidate that goes against cultural norms, but that we ourselves go against the culture of hate, exaggeration, and verbal abuse.

As we learn about violence and racial prejudice on our streets, we find ourselves in an atmosphere of fear, confusion, and distortion. God is challenging us to be counter-cultural, which means not only that we take the side of the oppressed but that we ourselves find active ways to go against a culture of violence, prejudice, and hate.

As we go about our daily routine, it can be tempting to label some neighbors as "Trump/Clinton Supporters" or "odd-balls" or "bad examples." God is challenging us to love those people, even when we disagree with their actions, even when the easier route is to ignore or disown.

As we go about our day, sometimes one mistake can lead to another and suddenly our day is ruined. One error can make us think we are terrible at our job; one ill-placed jab can fuel a day filled with the mind telling us that we are terrible parents, friends, or lovers; one error in judgment can fill us with a sense of failure. God is challenging us to love ourselves, even when we don't fully live up to the people we know we can and are called to be, even when we disappoint ourselves or others. 

This is our call as followers of Jesus Christ. I will be challenging myself to this over the next few months as the season becomes weighty with negativity and cynicism, and I encourage you to join me in this challenge.

Other Links

Martin Luther King: Loving our Enemies

Christians and Election Time